Presence by Presents

A few weeks ago I broke the 10,000 mile mark in my driving to the Torah Umesorah convention and I do not regret a single mile. It is hard to explain the excitement I feel when I first enter the convention center that hosts 1,500 educators. Living in far off Atlanta GA makes the scene even more impressive and inspiring.

One of the highlights of the convention is the opportunity to network with other mechanchim who are facing similar challenges and inquiring as to how they have been responding. This year our Rosh HaYeshiva asked me to investigate the best practices regarding encouraging bachurim to come to davening. Although we have moved our start time from 7:30am to 8:00am, there are still a significant number of students who have trouble attending on a consistent basis. The convention provides an opportunity to canvas similar Yeshivos and find out their approaches to this challenge. Here is a summary of my finding.

1. Daily detention – Students who miss shachris must spend the first break in a classroom with the Rebbe
2. Special shiur –A special shiur is given once a week to the Yeshiva on the importance of Teffila
3. Fines – Collect ten single dollars from students in the beginning of the year. When they miss remove one dollar from the envelop. After consistent attendance add the dollars back
4. Essay – When students miss a number of tephillos they must listen to a 45 minute shiur of their choice and write a one page essay on the shiur

The only commonality between these ideas was that not one was actually effective! It was quite amusing to watch the faces of the senior and expert Rabbeim when I asked them this question. Their smiles inverted and out came the age old Jewish sigh. Although I left the convention without a clear idea of how to handle this challenge, I did feel comforted that everyone else was in the same boat.

This past week our Menahel took his class on a senior trip and left yeshiva from Wednesday evening until Monday night. I did not count the number of students that took advantage of his not being there on Thursday morning for shachris, but there were many empty seats in the Bais Medrash. After a basic inventory I realized that although most shiurim had large numbers of missing students, my entire ninth grade was present!

As we sat down to learn I reflected on my recent trip to the convention and the frustration the Rabbeim felt trying to motivate our students to consistently come for davening. It was this sense of perspective that motivated me to spontaneously announce we would be going on a trip for fruit smoothies and for a stroll in the park. I explained how proud and impressed I was by their collective behavior and off we went.

We have not figured out how best to deal with the bachurim who missed davening that day, but the faces of my talmidim when I made this announcement revealed that I had stumbled upon a way to deal with those students who do come. They felt proud of their new identity as a class that takes davening seriously and I am confident this ounce of prevention will provide a pound of impact!

My good friend Rabbi Yechezkel Freundlich has begun a wonderful project of videoing short presentation on parenting based on the Parsha. This week (click here to view) he makes a point that is quite relevant to this discussion. He points out that many people are familiar with the Rashi that describes how exacting Hashem will be when He must punish Klal Yisrael. Rabbi Freundlich reminds us to look a few pesukim earlier where Rashi uses the exact same language with regard to rewarding the Jewish people. He reminds parents to put careful focus and thought into rewarding children for their good behavior and not just into their punishments.

Maybe at next year’s convention I should survey the mechanchim on how best to reward those students who consistently come to davening?

It’s Never Too Late for Firsts

As I near the milestone of a decade in the classroom, it has been some time since I have had the “first time” feelings that I had experienced so many times years ago. I vividly recall the first time I was able to provide support to a talmid who was going through a hard time. Even now I fondly recall the look on another talmid’s face when he achieved a high grade on a test he worked for. The less positive memories are still etched in my mind as well. How can I ever forget the first time a parent got upset with a decision I had made in the classroom?

This collection of memories of firsts fills my mind with a healthy mixture of wonderful experiences and learning opportunities. In recent, years it has become more rare for these experiences to take place. Between my previous experiences as a school counselor and the years I have been teaching, there are not many issues that I have not heard about or had personal experience with. Teaching has not become rote or boring, but that feeling of a new teacher has dissipated somewhat and I now have a new set of experiences that drive improvement and growth.

This week I was reminded of the sweet taste that a first can have. It started when I answered the phone in the teacher’s room. It was the parent of a student who has long since graduated from our Yeshiva. He was calling to talk with his son's old Rebbeim and share his experiences from a recent visit to his son's current Yeshiva.

Hearing this parent’s voice brought me back many years to when I first met his son. This wonderful young man came into my classroom with significant academic challenges. It was unclear to me how he graduated elementary school without an “elementary” (pun intended) ability to read and write. Even though I have taught students who had trouble reading Hebrew fluently, it is rare to find a student who could not read or write. In addition to these learning challenges, this particular student seemed to have a biological clock that had him getting his primary sleep between the hours of 9:30am and 11:30am - precisely during my Gemara class! In all honesty, I do not really recall any specific ingenious interventions that I did during that year to motivate or engage this student. I do recall celebrating his many talents and his exceptionally sharp mind.

A number of years have passed since I taught that class, and although I have occasionally seen this talmid, I was not aware of his exact academic development. That is what made this phone particularly meaningful. This father was calling to share the amazing report he had just received about his son’s progress in Yeshiva. This boy is now well into his bais medrash years and has distinguished himself as a superior "learner" in his Yeshiva. His rosh yeshiva said he is the “best in class” at the Yeshiva and feels he is ready to continue his studies in an extremely exclusive Yeshiva in Yerushlaim. Although I have had talmidim who had made significant strides in their personal life and learning since leaving my classroom this dramatic change is certainly a first. I wish I could say that I knew he had this potential, but in truth, it was not clear at all how he would develop. It was clear he had significant talent, but how that later would find a way to be expressed in a meaningful way was certainly ambiguous.

This "first" brought back the excitement that other "firsts" had brought me. It is a reminder to me about the limitless potential talmidim have and a rebbe’s essential role to help the talmidim find that potential. As a Rebbe I can never “write off” a talmid regardless of the academic challenges that seem to debilitate him. It is my heartfelt prayer that this first will become one of many similar experiences in the near future.

Sarcasm

I am considering starting a group called “Humans Against Sarcasm”, with the aim of banishing sarcasm from the world. Although I must admit that I unfortunately sometimes falter and utilize sarcasm, it doesn’t change my attitude towards it.

Sarcasm is like plaque on relationships. It sits and slowly erodes the areas of weakness that exist between people. In otherwise healthy relationships, sarcasm allows these weaknesses to be exacerbated, agitated and enlarged. And although some take pride in their wit and ability to share “smart” criticisms in guised words, this is distasteful and inconsistent with the refined behavior we strive towards.

Sarcasm allows a person to be disparaging without taking responsibly for their words. For instance, David walks into the room sports his new watch that he is quite proud of. Avi looks at it and says in an ever so mildly sarcastic tone “wow – what yard sale did you pick that thing up at?” When asked about his behavior, Avi will undoubtedly retort that he meant nothing by his comments; that he was just joking and it is not a big deal. Can any objective bystander buy this rationalization? In truth David got a new watch and Avi told him it looks like a piece of junk. Is this comment funny, or “no big deal”? Probably not to David but since Avi used a sarcastic tone these hurtful remarks become socially acceptable. Avi doesn’t have to take responsibly for his inconsiderate words.

Parental, spousal, and professional relationships can all be deleteriously impacted by the usage of sarcasm. Sarcasm can replace healthy and direct communication. Hiding behind the emotional curtain that sarcasm creates, albeit subconsciously, is destructive to marital bliss, effective parenting and lasting friendships.

For a teacher in the classroom the stakes are equally high.

All teachers would admit that put downs, name calling, and negativity should not be part of the communication toolbox of any educator. We have all learned through experience that positive (and assertive) communication is the most effective. As a teacher, when I use sarcasm with students (perhaps unknowingly), I am putting down and insulting my precious students. The tragic aspect of all this is that most often we are unaware of the impact of our behavior.

Here is a common example. After pre-teaching, teaching and reviewing a complex idea, the teacher gives a quiz (see Nov. 2010 Assessing Assessments) to assess how well the students understand the material. Upon discovering that a small group of students have yet to master the material, the teacher may say “How many times do I have to teach this?” or “I guess you guys have cotton in your ears.” When questioned, the teacher will reflect responsibility by saying “I didn’t say they weren’t smart”. But after thoughtful reflection I am sure the teacher would recognize that while the teacher didn’t say that, nonetheless, that is certainly what was communicated.

A few years ago, after reflecting of the destructive nature of sarcasm in the classroom I made a commitment to my class not to talk to them in that tone. To reinforce this goal I offered one dollar to any student who “caught” me using sarcasm in the classroom. Although this experiment did cost me some money I felt it taught the students (and myself) a lesson about talking nicely to each other. I am still working on this effort with mixed results but no longer offer a dollar for each infraction.

I try to be conscious of the significant power teachers possess in developing our students self esteem. Students look to us for reassurance that they are “good” and deserving of praise. Well meaning adults can unknowingly model this negative behavior and possibly undermine many positive interactions with one comment.

How to Talk So They Will Listen

After a few years as school counselor at an elementary school for grades k through 8^th, I noticed a pattern of similar situations that were regular occurrences year and after year. Some examples that come to mind are the never ending arguments about who and how the fields should be used during recess. There was never a perfect solution to the number of boys and girls of different ages who saw the same field as their personal soccer, baseball, football and kickball field simultaneously. I chuckled during a recent visit to the school in which I saw a chart in hall describing the complex pre-negotiated field usage for afternoon recess. Unfortunately, other regular issues were more painful and significant. A year did not pass without attempting to sooth the pain of children of divorce, advising victims of spiteful bullying and assisting students at the verge of expulsion. I must admit that for many of these perennial challenges, I was unable to find the elusive secret solution. Through research, advice seeking, and old fashion prayer I believe that we were able to find a way through these painful issues, sometimes even ending up better off because of it.

Amidst the confusion, there were a handful of issues that I was able to address effectively. One of the most common presenting problems that found its way to my office was trouble with friends. Although the language changed based on the gender and age of the children, students across grade levels had trouble getting along socially. It was often around the third grade that girls and boys would enter the world of social status, cliques and the painful feelings of being left out. From that point on it did not slow down. I found myself regularly giving classroom workshops and talking to pained parents and individuals about these challenges. Through some common sense and trial and error I developed three basic rules about talking to a classmate whose behavior is upsetting. At first I shared these rules in one on one meetings, and when it yielded success, I began sharing them with larger groups. These steps do not solve major social issues that exist in a class, but it does give the average student a “roadmap” for self advocacy in changing their situation. These rules are not about “getting even” or exacting equal and opposite pain, but work toward constructively getting a given behavior to change.

Here are the three simple rules:

1. The intervention must be done in private. Never speak to a person about change when others are around. In that environment they will become defensive and need to save face. In private they are more likely to actually listen to the content of the feedback.

2. The intervention must be a different time than the behavior took place. Correcting behavior at the moment of the transgression sets up a defensive posture and doesn’t allow for genuine reflection. Also, talking to a person some time after the event expresses a level of seriousness and a higher level of concern than a kneejerk comment.

3. When talking about the behavior use “I” statements that focus on the impact of the behavior on you personally. Do not use accusatory language that identifies the perpetrator as the focus. “I feel bad when you leave me out” is easier to accept than “You are so mean because you leave me out”.

When students followed these three rules they were pleasantly surprised by the results. Their peers actually listened to the feedback and even apologized for the behaviors. They appreciated being approached in such a respectful and sincere way that allowed both parties to share a genuine interaction about the behavior. These interactions often resulted in a positive for all parties. We found that essentially people like to be respected and do not like to cause pain to others. When not in public, in the heat of the moment or in attacking language – people are open to listening. On the rare occasion that the anticipated effect did not come about it was usually because one the rules was squirted, even if ever so slightly.

After some experimentation, the students and I found that teachers and parents are also “essentially people who like to be respected and do not like to cause pain to others”. When a student had a hard time with an assignment, if he or she would follow these rules and approach the teacher privately, not the day the project was due and talk about their hardship (and not how unfair the assignment was) teachers accommodated! If a child wanted a rule at home changed, he/she too had this secret formula at his/her disposable. All he/she had to do was follow these rule and change happened.

As teachers we can use the lessons of these rules in a number of ways. Most importantly, when redirecting students’ classroom behavior. Our students are also “essentially people who like to be respected and do not like to cause pain to others”. Students do not seem to really change behavior as a result of public embarrassment and redirection in the heat of the moment. Rather a later, private and sensitive conversation is the most effective approach. It takes discipline to hold back redirection when a student continuously talks in class. Talking with him or her at a later date about the effect of his/her talking on you and the other students is a worthwhile investment.

Now it is your turn. Think of student, friend, family member or co-worker who does a behavior that legitimately is hurtful to you. 1. Find a private place, 2. Make sure it is not in proximity of the last time the behavior was done and 3. Sincerely talk about why and how it hurts you. I can confidently assure you that you will find success. Let me know how it goes.

A Trip to Remember

There is perhaps no greater teacher than experience.

Almost any lesson taught by parents, school teachers, and books cannot compare to the lesson taught through the hard knocks of life. I have been blessed with my fare share of personal “learning opportunities” through missteps and mistakes.

It is with this in mind that I proudly share one my worst teaching days. This particular event took place four years ago but has not dimmed from my mind. Ironically, this difficult lesson came during a class trip that was celebrating an academic achievement. Generally speaking, I take my class of a trip every once in a while to accentuate a milestone in learning and to foster a positive social spirit within the class.

In the democratic spirit upon which this country was founded, I chose to allow the class to decide where they wanted to go. Here was the plan: each member of the class could nominate a destination within certain logistical and financial parameters. After the nominations were in, we would vote and narrow the ballot to three options. Of these three places, everyone could vote by putting the places in order of preference. We would go to the place that would bring the most joy to the most people. You may have guessed what happened by simply reading this ingenious plan.

It failed miserably!

No one seemed satisfied by the remaining choices. I am not sure what exactly went wrong but I remember driving this big van with everyone in a bitter argument about where we were off to (or more precisely where we were not off to!) Although the exact final destination is unclear in my mind I am sure that: (a) it was far away from school, (b) the activity cost money and (c) the activity was significantly more enjoyable than class work. All this did not seem to matter in the minds of my students. They were so focused on the places that did not get chosen that they could not appreciate any aspect of the trip. Every participant, teacher included, returned frustrated, emotionally drained, and in no way recharged to enter the classroom with new found vigor. The trip had the exact opposite effect than I had intended.

Future trips were not developed in such a democratic way. Generally, I decide where the trip is and keep it to myself until the last minute. Then I announce that everyone should just go the van for a surprise. Trips since that day are fun and definitely add camaraderie and excitement to the classroom environment.

For a while, I have wondered about this odd phenomenon. Why did giving the students more opportunity and choice make them less happy? Recently I came across a book by Harvard Professor Dan Gilbert that answers this question.

In Stumbling on Happiness (http://www.randomhouse.com/kvpa/gilbert/) Gilbert explains many surprising facts about what makes people happy. Among his many ideas he expresses the fact that human beings adapt to the realities life gives them.

He asks the following question;
“Here’s two different futures that I invite you to contemplate, and you can try to simulate them and tell me which one you think you might prefer. One of them is winning the lottery. This is about 314 million dollars. And the other is becoming paraplegic. So, just give it a moment of thought. You probably don't feel like you need a moment of thought.
Interestingly … the fact is that a year after losing the use of their legs, and a year after winning the lotto, lottery winners and paraplegics are equally happy with their lives.”

He brings study after study that indicates that we find happiness in the reality we are stuck with and not in the decisions that we have made. Remarkably, our ability to choose our destiny does not add to our happiness, in fact, it can deter happiness. Gilbert supports this with a study that found that people enjoy gifts that they get stuck with more than gifts they can exchange. Being stuck with a decision seems to allow the person to come to peace with the reality.

The lesson to take to the classroom is that although we are conditioned to think that more choices lead to more happiness it can have the opposite effect. In my case, giving the power to decide the location of the field trip made it a miserable one. There are many similar examples that can come up daily

You may attempt to learn the limitations of choice from Dr. Dan Gilbert’s book or this article but I have a feeling that the lesson will truly hit home on that unfortunate day that you misuse it in the classroom. Been there.

Please note: There are defiantly situations in which giving choices works positively. Many wonderful ways of using choices as a tool are dealt with in Jim Fay’s popular Love and Logic program http://www.loveandlogic.com/.

Look Who’s Talking (and Teaching!)

Last Friday I had to leave school thirty minutes early. Over the years I have developed my sense of worth to be able to withstand the positive reaction to announcements of my upcoming absence. Who doesn’t enjoy the break that a substitute brings to the normal routine and expectations? This is why I was so taken aback when a student reacted to my announcement that he was sad that I would not be teaching parsha. Then another talmid made the following statement with the confidence that only an adolescent can muster. “I have been a student for over ten years and have never had a parsha shuir that I have enjoyed as much as yours.”

Certainly such positive feedback is cause for reflection. I have never had such a strong reaction to any trip I planned, extra credit opportunity or complex explanation to a Talmudic dispute. I can also be safe in saying that the ideas that I share in this weekly parsha class do not represent deep and profound insights that come to me after hours of hard work and research. What then is the secret to the success of this class? Why was it so compelling that a student would actually miss having the experience?

When I first started teaching parsha I saw the goal of the instruction was to give the bachurim something they can say over at the shabbos table. The highest achievement would be for the listeners to be so impressed that they would associate me, the source of these pearls, with great torah scholarship and respect. In short time, these goals dissipated. I found most of these “choppy” divrei torah to be devoid of serous and meaningful messages for life. Around that time I started my deep relationship with the Alter of Slabodka’s sefer Ohr Hatzafon. I found his words to be simplistic but undeniably relevant. I began to adapt his life lessons into questions that relate to the personal experiences of the students. Before long I had a new format for this time.

The classroom was turned into a semi-circle with me in the middle. I distribute blank index cards and ask the bachurim to anonymously answer a few questions that touch upon a real life scenario or relevant moral dilemma. After they write their answers, I collect the cards and read the answers aloud. The students are instructed not to comment or inquire about the author of the replies. After reflecting on the collective thinking, I respond with a simple insight about the issue from the Parsha (often the Alter’s take in Ohr Haztofon). Hardly fodder for an impressive shabbos table speech.

The primary feature of this class is not anything I say, but rather what the students say. Allowing teenagers a format for expressing their views about meaningful topics is empowering. As adolescents struggle to find themselves and their own voice as adults, they thrive when expressing this new personality and resolve. These parsha classes provide a powerful opportunity for them to be respected for their new found sense of right and wrong. Without sounding sacrilegious, the success of this class does not reflect the power or relevance of the Torah messages, but rather the format in which these discussions take place. In the end however, I find that after our discussion about the topic in which the students have been able to explore both sides of the issue, the students are more impressed and accepting of the message being taught from the parsha.

Not every lesson allows for these opportunities of expression that parsha does, but whenever possible, allowing teenagers to speak their minds may allow the teacher to more effectively speak his.

Assessing Assessments

Warning: Be ready to answer a few questions about this article when it is over.

From time immemorial, teachers have been accused of being out of touch with the trials and tribulations of studenthood. Truth be told, many teachers have been out of the classroom for decades and as the divide grows, so does the list of rules and regulations that students must adhere to. Empathetic teachers respond to the outcries of students by reconsidering these policies. However, they often find it challenging to discern between genuine feedback and, without being over-simplistic, whining!

There is another way for teachers to stay in touch with the challenges of student life – become one. Of the myriad benefits of formal continued education such experiences allow the teacher to remember times long gone. Teacher-students are given an opportunity to grapple with some basic pedagogical questions. How long can one comfortably sit and listen to frontal lecture? How celebrated is an activity that requires your active participation? How easy is it to give your mind over to nonsense texting and/or internet surfing?

Over the past two years, I have been blessed with such an opportunity in the most extreme form. As part of an educator’s fellowship, I spent two full weeks in class from early morning until evening. Sitting in class all day gave me first hand opportunity to reminisce of the many years I spent as a student. Of the many lessons that I gleaned from that time, there is one particle practice that has had a dramatic impact on my teaching. That is the power of regular assessments.

One of the presenters at the program had a habit of stopping every once in a while and asking the group a number of basic question on what we had studied. These questions have had such a positive impact on my learning that I have slowly introduced them into my classroom and have found them to be very helpful.

This practice has evolved to be a regular part of a lesson. After a presentation, I distribute blank index cards and write five questions on the board. The questions should represent a range of difficulty and a sampling of the material covered on that day. After the students have answered the questions, I go over each question and answer any specific questions raised by the students. The students mark and grade the cards themselves and then pass them up to me. This data is not used in assessing the report card grade.

Here are some of the benefits of having regular mini-assessments:

Active participation – Anything a teacher can do to personally involve all students in the learning will enhance the student’s experience. These assessments engage every student in an active and personal way. Every student takes the assessment and every student hands it in.

Practice makes perfect – Answering these questions serves as a way to practice what has been learned. More immediate practice will help the information stay with the students longer.

Motivation – Knowing that they will be asked questions at the end of the presentation motivates some students to pay better attention. Even though the grade doesn’t “count” towards the final grade, most student want to make a good impression.

Check for understanding – This feedback gives the students and teacher immediate feedback about how the lesson was absorbed by the students. If there is a part of the lesson that needs to be retaught or clarified, the teacher is made aware of this and can address the issue either individually or for the entire class.

Data driven decisions – Having regular data about the student’s achievement in class gives the teacher a tremendous amount of data on which to base decision, about individual and class progress and needs. A teacher can easily identify changes in a specific student’s achievement and inquire as to the cause. The teacher can also see class trends and hwo the presentation style may impact achievement.

In addition to my positive anecdotal experience with increasing assessments, I have recently come across research data that supports its significant value. Robert Marzano (The Art and Science of Teaching page 13) brings a study by Bangrt-Drowns, Kulik, &Kilik, 1991, that found that the more assessments that take place within a given 15 weeks increases achievement by up to 30%. In light of the few benefits I gave outlined here, these findings are not surprising.

Please answer these questions without looking back.

1. List three benefits of giving regular assessments?
2. How do assessments affect motivation?
3. Which benefit resonated most with you and why?
4. What impact, if any, has your answering these questions had on your learning of the information?