The "Here-and-Now"

In the book The Gift of Therapy, Dr. Yalom writes that one of the most critical elements of therapy is the “Here-and-Now”. The here-and-now refers to the therapist identifying issues that are taking place in the client’s life that are expressing themselves in the actual therapy session. Properly identifying such issues and bringing them to the attention of the patient can allow for some very powerful and effective intervention. Instead of talking about a theoretical of historical event the therapist can talk about the “Here and Now”.

He writes “The here-and-now is a major source of therapeutic power, the pay dirt of therapy, the therapist’s (and hence the patient’s) best friend…The here-and- now refers to the immediate events of the therapeutic hour, to what is happening here (in this office, in this relationship, in the in-bewteeness- the space between me and you) and now, in this immediate hour. It is basically an a historic approach and de-emphasizes (but does not negate the importance of) the patient’s historic past or events of his or her outside life.”

When working with children there is an added value in identifying the here-and-now. Even more than adults, children are often unaware of themselves. It is important for children to learn how their behavior and emotion manifest in the world around them. Even when teenagers are aware of themselves they will do anything to avoid or deny that knowledge. The here-and-now becomes an invaluable technique that can be used to identify behaviors as they happen in a discreet and meaningful way. This is not to be confused with telling a child that what they did was wrong. This is about an ongoing conversation with a student about an area of weakness and pointing out real life examples of the struggle.

Here is a model of how this can be applied:

Shalom is a student who gets into fights with his fellow classmates. Although many fights are mutually generated, he rarely takes responsibility for his role. The Rebbe would like to sensitize Shalom to his role in these conflicts. In a private meeting, not about or in response to a specific incident, the Rebbe can carefully explain how often people have trouble seeing their own actions. In this unguarded environment Shalom would be more likely to concede to the possibility that he can miss his role in the conflict at times. The Rebbe and student agree on a hidden symbol or that they will talk after class if such an incident occurs.

Here and now you utilize the here-and-now.

The next time a situation comes up in which Shalom (or another student) plays a subtle role in a conflict, you have an amazing teaching moment to discuss in real terms what has taken place. I have been pleasantly surprised in how much easier it is to discuss behaviors in this context. Much of the dialogue will take place after class in private, but the mutual identification of the moment when it happens will allow for a real conversation later.

There are many variations and applications of this technique that can be employed. When taught with dignity, children respond positively to opportunities for growth.