Is “OoT” - OuT of it?

I have recently returned from a trip up north. It is hard to describe how exciting it was for me to walk up and down 13th Avenue in Boro Park. I had to restrain myself from saying hello to every person I saw! So much Jewish life! So many minyanim! So many seforim and candy stores! Although I did not pass any mirrors I would imagine that I had a big smile on my face the entire day. It is not only the conveniences of these communities that make them so attractive to me. I am most taken by the impact of living in an environment where a Torah lifestyle is the norm. When Torah observance is pervasive in a community there must be so many opportunities for chavrusa learning, shiurim and general enrichment.

Although these experiences make me appreciate how my life would be improved by living in the larger Jewish communities, it also allows me to reflect on my current community and appreciate aspects that are unique to “Out of Town” (OoT) living.

It was not enough for our family to move to the OoT city of Atlanta. After a year and half in the area of town with a large Frum population we decided to move to the OoT OoT community of Dunwoody. The community can be described as a satellite of the Atlanta Scholars Kollel that was started over ten years ago in a small house. The community now boasts a beautiful shul and approximately 150 family members of the Orthodox synagogue, Congregation Ariel. Of the 150 families I would estimate 25 are strictly shomer shabbos and less than a hand full of those have been so for more than ten years. Ariel has an amazing Rabbi and Rebbitzin, Binyomin and Dena Friedman, two kollel Rabbis, and some other wonderfully dedicated families.

One unique aspect of living OoT is the simple sense of community one feels. The community itself becomes sort of an extended family in a way that does not exist in the larger community. It is not unheard of for someone in a large community to not know much about a neighbor or certainly someone a few houses down but OoT we view each other as one group.

This value is not only regarding the emotional support one feels but it also express itself in Avodas Hashem. When one lives in such an environment as our OoT community one is given the opportunity to help others in a profound and unique way. With some many individuals new to Yidishkiet and searching to develop into Torah True families there are constant questions to answer, modeling and opportunities to give. Of course such opportunities exist in every community but here they part of the fabric of everyday living. Simply walking to shul, following halacha, and making a play date for your children becomes an opportunity for giving and growth.

Another advantage relates to the power of family life. I am reminded of a study often quoted by Dr. David Pelcovitz which linked the number of nights a family sat down to dinner to the children’s resilience to drug use. The more time a family spends together the less likely it is that the children will fall to drug use. The clear implication of this study is that family time is essential to emotional well being. As a result of there not being many frum children on our block our children spend much of their time in our house or playing at a limited number of neighbors’ frum homes. This provides for much more quality family time. There is another advantage to having children play at home. My impression of many neighborhoods is that elementary school children can walk from house to house and often parents are unaware of where, what and with whom their children are. With my children playing with a limited pool of friend whose parents I know well and I can be more aware of what they are up to. They may be a bit more bored than other children but I would rather that then risk their emotional safety.

One more significant advantage of living OoT relates to the odd chance that a child is Oo (out of) the box. One does not need to call Rabbi Abraham Twersky to appreciate how difficult it is for an ever so slightly special needs child to grow up and some Jewish communities. By special needs I truly mean to include any special need what so ever. The need may be educational, behavioral or emotional. Living OoT can provide a family and child the space and freedom to live out of the box without the additional burden of wondering what others would think. I recently attended a lecture from a prominent mental health professional who bemoaned the significant pressure placed on many children who grow up in the major Jewish communities. Such pressure is significantly reduced in the OoT schools and culture.

There are a myriad of factors that affect where a person lives their life and raises their children. Of course many of the advantages come with negative aspects that are quite significant and there are many wonderful reasons to live in our larger communities. For those who find Hashkacha leading them OoT you should know that it is not that bad after all.