Don’t walk in front of me…I may not follow

Recently, Rabbi Yisrael Reissman visited our community. During a speech, he quoted a Chazal regarding Mordechai to demonstrate the reality of leadership. The Chazal stated “Mordechai was accepted by most of his brothers”. By definition, Mordechai taking the position of leader made him only acceptable to most of the people. It would be impossible to be embraced by all.

It is well known what the Bais Halievi is reported to have said regarding a shul Rav- any Rav who the people don't want to throw out is not successful, but any Rav who they actually throw out is not a mentsch. I have often wondered what it is about leadership that causes such friction. Why must a leader accept this fate?

Here is where my thinking has brought me:

Any person who is in a position of making substantive decisions that affect many people, is going to cause friction. Leaders must weigh a number of complex factors that do not have clear black and white answers. When we make these decisions for ourselves we can accept the outcome because we have chartered our own course. But when someone else makes the choice for us, it is often difficult to focus on the entire equation and much easier to see the negative side.

The challenge of accepting another person’s leadership is difficult in any aspect of life, whether the environment is one of a family, workplace, or community system. There seem to be some specific factors that exist in an educational environment that can be particularly challenging. This is due to unique aspects that come into play for teachers in a school situation. These factors may include:

1. Educational decisions are often ambiguous. The best way for a teacher to deal with academic or behavior challenges is never clear. Often the impact of these decisions cannot be seen for years. Decisions regarding dress codes, suspensions, curriculum, expulsions and class changes are never simple and they always involve many people, values and implications.
2. Teachers are accustomed to a significant amount of autonomy. Every teacher’s classroom is his kingdom. Teachers get used to the control that comes with that environment. It is especially hard to embrace directives that encroach on that autonomy.
3. The roles of teachers are integrated into daily life. Many teachers have their own children in the classroom or a neighbor’s classroom, and the directives of the leader impact them quite personally. In some communities the teachers also feel that they reflect the school and serve as community ambassadors. The complex roles can make school policies more difficult to defend and support.

Like many challenges in life, the first step in dealing with them is to recognize that the issue exists. When the parties appreciate the inherit difficulty in accepting leadership directives they can begin to avoid quick and emotional negativity that corrodes any environment.

Here are some thoughts that may help mitigate the negativity:

1. Leaders are paid to lead and take the responsibility for their leadership. As a teacher you are not responsible for the outcomes of poor decision making. There is no need to take ownership of every decision made. A person will feel much more comfortable by letting go of this burden which is not his.
2. No leader is perfect. We do not have to look further than Moshe Rabbienu to see a leader who had faults and whose constituency questioned his authority. This is par for the course of leaders and the led. If teachers expect leaders to be super human and flawless then disappointment will be quick in coming.
3. Keep in mind the complexity of the issues being decided and appreciate that intelligent, well- meaning and competent people can easily see the other sides of the issue.
4. One final thing to consider is the very real possibility that you are not privy to all of the information involved in the decision. Often there can be additional sensitive information that only the leader is fully aware of. The knowledge of this information can explain much but for any number of reasons it may be never known to you.

Wise leaders will attempt to create responsive environment in which teachers feel that they have partners in many decisions. To the extent that this doesn’t exist, being a positive and supportive person is a better life policy than a critical one. Chazal have already emphasized this is the directive of being an “Aiyen Tov”. People with “good eyes” are able to discern the complexity of many issues and are able to avoid the pit of negativity and criticism that erodes work environments, relationships, and a schools' abilities to effectively teach torah.

Summer Sabbatical

We are well passed the half-way mark of the school year and day dreams of summer time have begun. There are some who advocate for a full year of school. At the past Torah Umesorah Convention’s “Ask the Gadol” session on Thursday night, a question was raised regarding our current summer break. It seemed to be unanimous amongst the Gedolim that our school year should be lengthened with breaks interspersed throughout the school year. Different cultures have different systems regarding the school year and I have not done any extensive research about this topic. Some Gedolim feel the break is unnecessary and students can produce more with more time in Yeshiva.

Regardless of the ideal school year size, current teachers are faced with a two month opportunity each year. There was a custom years ago for teachers to take a sabbatical after 7 years of teaching. The concept is that teaching is a very taxing and emotionally draining profession. Taking a year off allows the teacher to re-energize and explore an area of interest, so he can return to the profession with vigor, energy and emotional resolve. For a number of reasons, this custom is no longer practiced. However, the summer still provides teachers (and students) with a small taste of a sabbatical where similar rejuvenation can take place.

Unfortunately, most Rebbeim need to monetize these months by taking jobs in camps or other educational environments. This reality can impede the therapeutic nature of this time. I have been fortunate enough to have found summer opportunities that provide both emotional and financial substance.

For aspiring teachers, pulpit rabbis and community kollel members, these summers are invaluable. The summer provides the opportunity to try out the waters in various positions before making the serious commitment of a full time job. When I started out, I was unsure which aspect of “kli kodesh” I was meant for. I had the good fortune of tasting community kollel life by participating on a seed-type summer experience with Rabbi David Forman in Palo Alto California. I was also able to try out being a pulpit Rabbi in Sharon, Massachusetts and an elementary school rebbe at TA camp in Baltimore. These summers gave me real life experience in different areas, so when opportunities have come up, I have had a better idea of what kind of job I would appreciate.

I still look to summer for enrichment and growth. Summertime is a gift. With planning and Hashem’s help, one can find the time to make it a small sabbatical. Refreshing, rewarding and rejuvenating.

Purim Quandary

I am in a real quandary as to what to do this Purim regarding drinking.

On one hand I think back to my years in Yeshiva and can picture Rebbiem singing and sharing ever flowing divrie Torah and love for Talmidim. It is truly a remarkable Kiddush Hashem every time I think of it and can appreciate this beautiful expression of simcha in which alcohol played a critical role. Don’t I want to expose my children and Talmidim to this and follow the Mesorah that I have seen in my Rebbiem? A major theme of Purim is to take this physical aspect of the miracle and be makdish it with our actions.

On the other hand.

Drinking seems to be an issue plaguing our youth. We are all aware of horror stories that involve teenage bachurim abusing alcohol. In previous years, and even recently, Gedolie Yisrael have stating that getting drink is not in the ruach Hatorah if not an Aveyra. Can a responsible community leader dismiss these words? What message will I be giving about our Gedolim if I were to be visibly drunk for my children and Talmidim? The very same Gadolim whose pictures hang on our wall and whose words I continually quote after every Torah Umesorah convention. Also do I want to play even the smallest role in encouraging teenage drinking?

Is “OoT” - OuT of it?

I have recently returned from a trip up north. It is hard to describe how exciting it was for me to walk up and down 13th Avenue in Boro Park. I had to restrain myself from saying hello to every person I saw! So much Jewish life! So many minyanim! So many seforim and candy stores! Although I did not pass any mirrors I would imagine that I had a big smile on my face the entire day. It is not only the conveniences of these communities that make them so attractive to me. I am most taken by the impact of living in an environment where a Torah lifestyle is the norm. When Torah observance is pervasive in a community there must be so many opportunities for chavrusa learning, shiurim and general enrichment.

Although these experiences make me appreciate how my life would be improved by living in the larger Jewish communities, it also allows me to reflect on my current community and appreciate aspects that are unique to “Out of Town” (OoT) living.

It was not enough for our family to move to the OoT city of Atlanta. After a year and half in the area of town with a large Frum population we decided to move to the OoT OoT community of Dunwoody. The community can be described as a satellite of the Atlanta Scholars Kollel that was started over ten years ago in a small house. The community now boasts a beautiful shul and approximately 150 family members of the Orthodox synagogue, Congregation Ariel. Of the 150 families I would estimate 25 are strictly shomer shabbos and less than a hand full of those have been so for more than ten years. Ariel has an amazing Rabbi and Rebbitzin, Binyomin and Dena Friedman, two kollel Rabbis, and some other wonderfully dedicated families.

One unique aspect of living OoT is the simple sense of community one feels. The community itself becomes sort of an extended family in a way that does not exist in the larger community. It is not unheard of for someone in a large community to not know much about a neighbor or certainly someone a few houses down but OoT we view each other as one group.

This value is not only regarding the emotional support one feels but it also express itself in Avodas Hashem. When one lives in such an environment as our OoT community one is given the opportunity to help others in a profound and unique way. With some many individuals new to Yidishkiet and searching to develop into Torah True families there are constant questions to answer, modeling and opportunities to give. Of course such opportunities exist in every community but here they part of the fabric of everyday living. Simply walking to shul, following halacha, and making a play date for your children becomes an opportunity for giving and growth.

Another advantage relates to the power of family life. I am reminded of a study often quoted by Dr. David Pelcovitz which linked the number of nights a family sat down to dinner to the children’s resilience to drug use. The more time a family spends together the less likely it is that the children will fall to drug use. The clear implication of this study is that family time is essential to emotional well being. As a result of there not being many frum children on our block our children spend much of their time in our house or playing at a limited number of neighbors’ frum homes. This provides for much more quality family time. There is another advantage to having children play at home. My impression of many neighborhoods is that elementary school children can walk from house to house and often parents are unaware of where, what and with whom their children are. With my children playing with a limited pool of friend whose parents I know well and I can be more aware of what they are up to. They may be a bit more bored than other children but I would rather that then risk their emotional safety.

One more significant advantage of living OoT relates to the odd chance that a child is Oo (out of) the box. One does not need to call Rabbi Abraham Twersky to appreciate how difficult it is for an ever so slightly special needs child to grow up and some Jewish communities. By special needs I truly mean to include any special need what so ever. The need may be educational, behavioral or emotional. Living OoT can provide a family and child the space and freedom to live out of the box without the additional burden of wondering what others would think. I recently attended a lecture from a prominent mental health professional who bemoaned the significant pressure placed on many children who grow up in the major Jewish communities. Such pressure is significantly reduced in the OoT schools and culture.

There are a myriad of factors that affect where a person lives their life and raises their children. Of course many of the advantages come with negative aspects that are quite significant and there are many wonderful reasons to live in our larger communities. For those who find Hashkacha leading them OoT you should know that it is not that bad after all.

Flair Effect

What makes some teachers more engaging than others?

There are many answers to this age-old question that include quality of lesson, kindness of discipline, along with a number of other important factors. I have found that one of the aspects that ensures that class be enjoyable is adding a simple but creative element to the lesson. As students settle into their familiar seats with the familiar class routines, a teacher can ignite the classroom with little effort. This can be done in a number of free or very inexpensive ways. When students begin to learn that you are unpredictable they want to be there on time and are excited for class. These ideas cannot be a substitute for substantive lesson planning, but rather are used to turn an average dish of meat and potatoes into a spicy delicacy that has students asking for more.

Here are some ideas:

Come into class with a small jar of jelly beans. Each time a student answers a question correctly or has his finger on place he can guess how many jelly beans are in the jar. You write their names and guesses on the board and keep going until the end of the day or week, in the last five minutes of class. The person closest to the correct number gets the jar.

Buy any interesting looking toy at a dollar store and come into class with it. Give out raffle tickets all day and raffle it off at the end of class.

Give each person in the class a number. When you need to ask a question start a stop watch and call on the person with the number where you randomly stop it. The anticipation of being called on keeps everyone engaged.

Bring a box of Mike and Ikes and give out a candy to each person who answers, asks or performs well.

Go to a magic store and buy an inexpensive trick or two. Tell the students that when they get a specific number of class points you will perform the trick. Another day later that year you can require double the original number of points to reveal how you did the trick!

These are just a few basic ideas that will not affect the lesson much but can make the lesson fun and encourage energetic participation. These techniques also create positive emotional connections with the teacher and learning. As long as the game does not become the entire focus of the day, these tools can take just another day and make it one to remember.

My Chanukah

Is it harder to grow up in the year 2010 than fifty, two hundred or four hundred years ago?

Sure the issues are different today, but when one looks back at our history each and every generation has had such significant challenges to youth that one would be hard pressed to say that this period of time or more difficult.

Here is a quote from Rav Ahron Feldman’s new book The Eye of the Storm (page 176);

“Although I grew up in a religious household and went to a Jewish day school, America in the late forties and early fifties was no place for a nice Jewish boy to grow into manhood. The pressures against remaining a loyal, observant Jew were enormous. The public attitude, the implied messages of teachers, media and books made Torah appear irrelevant.””

This is just one of many scenarios that have existed for Jewish youth over the thousands of years of our history. World events seem to always present the next generation with some ideological, physical or spiritual challenge. For the individual living at a particular point the challenge may seem insurmountable but when one takes a view over our history and clear pattern emerges; we are challenged, rachmana letzlan, lose people to the conflict, and the Jewish people overcome and move on to the next situation.

In my short career of almost a decade of chinuch, I have seen such a transformation take place regarding the infiltration of secular culture in the Yeshiva world. With explosion of internet and the proliferation of affordable hand- held media devices, we are overwhelmed by the on- slot of the secular culture to our children. A short few years ago the only way to see a movie was in a theater or on a large VHS connected TV. Internet was only found in a few homes and the speeds of computers were inhibitive. Today there is nothing that cannot be downloaded, transferred or shared onto a device that fits in the palm of my hand and can be easily purchased at the local supermarket or Walmart.

I do not have the required perspective to state unequivocally that the ipod is the greatest threat to chinuch, but it is safe to say it ranks high on the list. If there ever was a “Tovel V’Sheretz B’Yado” it would be a sixteen year old boy sitting in shiur in between his viewing of the latest movie he received for his “friend” with internet access. How much emotional and intellectual effort can such a boy muster to focus on overcoming the difficulties of learning Gemarah when the contrast to his previous activities is so stark?

Adults who are aware of these dangers attempt o protect our youth from these dangers. This job is increasingly difficult. Bachorim purchase two cell phones, one to “hand in” and one for personal use. On the rare occasion that an ipod is confiscated, a new is purchased with 24 hours. How can mechanchim protect our talmidim from themselves and this cultural immersion?

The past years have been particularly daunting in this effort. At times I feel we are losing more ground than gaining and there is no hope.

This year I have come to the realization that this is My Chanukah.

Chanukah reminds me that this battle is not new.

Chanukah reminds me that our people have already faced foreign and destructive cultures knocking at our door.

Chanukah reminds even when things seem difficult for our youth, the good will prevail.

Chanukah reminds me that the same Hashem who helped us find light in a sea of darkness will lead our children to the light they so desperately need.

Chanukah reminds me that mechanchim do not have to have all of the answers and techniques to find success.

Chanukah gives me confidence of victory in what often seems to be such a losing battle.

This is My Chanukah.

Fisher Price Classrooms

My parents resisted buying a home computer for many years. Friends kept telling them to wait a few more months for the newer model, only to wait a few more months, only to…

I do not recall that exact date that they took the plunge and bought a computer but I do recall an experience I had during one of my first times using it. I had been away at Yeshiva when they began using it and do not currently recall how long they had it before I returned. When I got a chance to use it, I went to the one area I thought I would enjoy - the games section. As with many computers it only came with some basic games installed, the most popular of which was solitaire. I opened up the game and began playing. It was easy to lose track of time on my quest for the cascading cards that celebrates the end of a completed game. When I finally was ready to stop and went to exit it let me know how long I had played and how many games I had lost/won. Then I was hit by a statistic that still scares me. The computer kept track of the total cumulative time that people had played solitaire on this relatively new computer. It had registered tens of thousands of minutes. It goes without saying that an immediate "auto schmooze" began playing in my head about wasting time. There is another schmooze to be said here about the attraction of games like solitaire.

What is it that makes simple games like solitaire, Tetris, Bubble Breaker and Minesweeper so attractive? I have not done an extensive study but would like to offer an explanation.

It seems that human beings are wired to enjoy overcoming challenges. Our natural tendency is to enjoy difficulties and using our brains or bodies to find our way through the challenges. People do not like stagnation of growth and look for opportunities to use our brains and bodies in effective ways. We are no different than a young child who has discovered the ability to put to multi-colored plastic Fisher Price rings back on the poll. That very desire never really goes away; all that changes are the complexities of the challenges.

This may explain the attraction of a magic show. If we would not care about figuring out how a trick is done such shows would not be interesting at all. We watch the show, thinking and wondering how it was done. Maybe he had a second pigeon. Maybe there was a trap door. The challenge to our brains is what makes these shows so enjoyable.

The only catch is that challenges are only enjoyable under certain circumstances. Like many aspects of human behavior the person must feel safe in order to try difficult actions. Why would an adult be hesitant to skateboard down into a skating pool? Although most adults would not mind the fun of skating, it is easy to understand that it is not worth the significant safety risk to almost every bone in the body. Before engaging in any challenging activity we make a quick, even subconscious risk/benefit assessment. Only if we feel limited risk will we attempt the action. Emotional safety is no less real when evaluating a situation. There is limited danger of being hurt emotionally when playing a video game. Getting killed is not viewed as inferior when playing Pac Man.

A second factor that must be there in order for a person to try is a reasonable chance at success. Generally speaking, games that are impossible to succeed at are not fun. A person needs to feel that they have a good chance at some measurement of success.

Once these two elements of safety and success are in place, human beings are “programmed” to attempt and enjoy challenges. This is why these games are so appealing. They provide our brains with a real challenge and we do not have to worry about any safety issues while trying. No one will know how many attempts we make or how well we play.

It is understandable how this phenomenon can be used in the classroom. Learning can be fun, engaging and students can be self motivated. That act of learning does not have to be imposed upon a student but rather it could flow naturally with the student's human instincts.

That is - only if we can answer this difficult question.

Do our students feel safe and successful in our classrooms?

In the classroom, the safety stakes are understandably much higher. Before engaging in the act of learning, an emotional risk/benefit analysis is made. The students will only make a risky attempt at trying if the risk is sufficiently low. The chances for success must also be present.

In all fairness we could never create a truly safe environment that can rival our parents' living room floor when we tried to get the loops on the stick. The world our students live in is much more complex than that time or place of life. They are constantly interpreting messages from peers, teacher and parents in ways that we cannot control. The human mind is too complex to think that any individual can guarantee that another feel totally safe from emotional discomfort.

However, we can safely assert that to the extent we make students feel safe and successful they will continue to naturally take the academic and personal risks required for the learning process.