Look Who’s Talking (and Teaching!)

Last Friday I had to leave school thirty minutes early. Over the years I have developed my sense of worth to be able to withstand the positive reaction to announcements of my upcoming absence. Who doesn’t enjoy the break that a substitute brings to the normal routine and expectations? This is why I was so taken aback when a student reacted to my announcement that he was sad that I would not be teaching parsha. Then another talmid made the following statement with the confidence that only an adolescent can muster. “I have been a student for over ten years and have never had a parsha shuir that I have enjoyed as much as yours.”

Certainly such positive feedback is cause for reflection. I have never had such a strong reaction to any trip I planned, extra credit opportunity or complex explanation to a Talmudic dispute. I can also be safe in saying that the ideas that I share in this weekly parsha class do not represent deep and profound insights that come to me after hours of hard work and research. What then is the secret to the success of this class? Why was it so compelling that a student would actually miss having the experience?

When I first started teaching parsha I saw the goal of the instruction was to give the bachurim something they can say over at the shabbos table. The highest achievement would be for the listeners to be so impressed that they would associate me, the source of these pearls, with great torah scholarship and respect. In short time, these goals dissipated. I found most of these “choppy” divrei torah to be devoid of serous and meaningful messages for life. Around that time I started my deep relationship with the Alter of Slabodka’s sefer Ohr Hatzafon. I found his words to be simplistic but undeniably relevant. I began to adapt his life lessons into questions that relate to the personal experiences of the students. Before long I had a new format for this time.

The classroom was turned into a semi-circle with me in the middle. I distribute blank index cards and ask the bachurim to anonymously answer a few questions that touch upon a real life scenario or relevant moral dilemma. After they write their answers, I collect the cards and read the answers aloud. The students are instructed not to comment or inquire about the author of the replies. After reflecting on the collective thinking, I respond with a simple insight about the issue from the Parsha (often the Alter’s take in Ohr Haztofon). Hardly fodder for an impressive shabbos table speech.

The primary feature of this class is not anything I say, but rather what the students say. Allowing teenagers a format for expressing their views about meaningful topics is empowering. As adolescents struggle to find themselves and their own voice as adults, they thrive when expressing this new personality and resolve. These parsha classes provide a powerful opportunity for them to be respected for their new found sense of right and wrong. Without sounding sacrilegious, the success of this class does not reflect the power or relevance of the Torah messages, but rather the format in which these discussions take place. In the end however, I find that after our discussion about the topic in which the students have been able to explore both sides of the issue, the students are more impressed and accepting of the message being taught from the parsha.

Not every lesson allows for these opportunities of expression that parsha does, but whenever possible, allowing teenagers to speak their minds may allow the teacher to more effectively speak his.

Assessing Assessments

Warning: Be ready to answer a few questions about this article when it is over.

From time immemorial, teachers have been accused of being out of touch with the trials and tribulations of studenthood. Truth be told, many teachers have been out of the classroom for decades and as the divide grows, so does the list of rules and regulations that students must adhere to. Empathetic teachers respond to the outcries of students by reconsidering these policies. However, they often find it challenging to discern between genuine feedback and, without being over-simplistic, whining!

There is another way for teachers to stay in touch with the challenges of student life – become one. Of the myriad benefits of formal continued education such experiences allow the teacher to remember times long gone. Teacher-students are given an opportunity to grapple with some basic pedagogical questions. How long can one comfortably sit and listen to frontal lecture? How celebrated is an activity that requires your active participation? How easy is it to give your mind over to nonsense texting and/or internet surfing?

Over the past two years, I have been blessed with such an opportunity in the most extreme form. As part of an educator’s fellowship, I spent two full weeks in class from early morning until evening. Sitting in class all day gave me first hand opportunity to reminisce of the many years I spent as a student. Of the many lessons that I gleaned from that time, there is one particle practice that has had a dramatic impact on my teaching. That is the power of regular assessments.

One of the presenters at the program had a habit of stopping every once in a while and asking the group a number of basic question on what we had studied. These questions have had such a positive impact on my learning that I have slowly introduced them into my classroom and have found them to be very helpful.

This practice has evolved to be a regular part of a lesson. After a presentation, I distribute blank index cards and write five questions on the board. The questions should represent a range of difficulty and a sampling of the material covered on that day. After the students have answered the questions, I go over each question and answer any specific questions raised by the students. The students mark and grade the cards themselves and then pass them up to me. This data is not used in assessing the report card grade.

Here are some of the benefits of having regular mini-assessments:

Active participation – Anything a teacher can do to personally involve all students in the learning will enhance the student’s experience. These assessments engage every student in an active and personal way. Every student takes the assessment and every student hands it in.

Practice makes perfect – Answering these questions serves as a way to practice what has been learned. More immediate practice will help the information stay with the students longer.

Motivation – Knowing that they will be asked questions at the end of the presentation motivates some students to pay better attention. Even though the grade doesn’t “count” towards the final grade, most student want to make a good impression.

Check for understanding – This feedback gives the students and teacher immediate feedback about how the lesson was absorbed by the students. If there is a part of the lesson that needs to be retaught or clarified, the teacher is made aware of this and can address the issue either individually or for the entire class.

Data driven decisions – Having regular data about the student’s achievement in class gives the teacher a tremendous amount of data on which to base decision, about individual and class progress and needs. A teacher can easily identify changes in a specific student’s achievement and inquire as to the cause. The teacher can also see class trends and hwo the presentation style may impact achievement.

In addition to my positive anecdotal experience with increasing assessments, I have recently come across research data that supports its significant value. Robert Marzano (The Art and Science of Teaching page 13) brings a study by Bangrt-Drowns, Kulik, &Kilik, 1991, that found that the more assessments that take place within a given 15 weeks increases achievement by up to 30%. In light of the few benefits I gave outlined here, these findings are not surprising.

Please answer these questions without looking back.

1. List three benefits of giving regular assessments?
2. How do assessments affect motivation?
3. Which benefit resonated most with you and why?
4. What impact, if any, has your answering these questions had on your learning of the information?

Personality Match

Over the summer we were blessed with a new addition to our family. Shalom Uri was born about three weeks before the start of school. Having a baby during the summer vacation is exponentially more convenient than any other time. One does not feel the pressure of being torn between the needs of family and students. When the school year actually began, I found myself simultaneously getting to know our new son and a new class. I have found some remarkable similarities in both these experiences.

Within the first few days and weeks that we have brought a new baby home, my wife began to share aspects of his personality. Is he easy going or more particular? Is he more sensitive? Does he seem alert and aware of his world? While many of these predictions do actualize over the next few years, a unique personality beings to blossom from the very beginning. By the time a child is two or three we are all aware of the unique aspects of the child’s interaction with the world. Each child has his/her own unique style, along with strengths and challenges. These identifying characteristics with probably stay with each person for the rest of their lives.

There is no easy way to explain why a particular family will have a child with a particular personality. There are times in which some traits can be traced back through generations, but there are also times when there is no explanation for a behavior or attitude. I like to believe that parents would not be given a challenge that they cannot handle. There can be very difficult children but some way parents can learn how to respond best. Obviously there are exceptions, but generally speaking parents must feel that they are capable to raise each child “according to his way”. To put in spiritual terms – there is Hashgacha that brings children and parents together. Somehow this is also an expression of the Hand of G-d.

Every group has its own unique dynamic. Dr. Irvin Yalom and many other psychiatrists have studied the personality of groups. Just has individual personality are the mosaic of many specific elements within each person a group follows the same model. Each group has a unique mosaic of personalities that plays into the development of the culture of the group. This culture can be detected early on. It is not uncommon for me to discuss a 9^th grade class with that class's kindergarten teacher and find that not too much has changed since kindergarten.

As the school year marches on, I begin to learn about the unique personality of my class. In the role of rebbe, I try to mimic my view as a parent and find the strengths in the class personality. As parents we hope to recognize strength and acknowledge challenge in order to properly parent. As a rebbe, we follow a similar approach and embrace the strengths while seeking to improve areas of difficulty that a class may possess. Having clarity in this area will give the rebbe a frame of reference for many of the experiences he will encounter during the year. In the end, as in every area of life, we accept the hand of Hashem and see each biological and spiritual child as an opportunity for personal growth.

School Savior

How much impact does a school really have on the development of a child? Is the life of my child different because he goes to one school or another? Certainly as an educator I believe the answers to these questions are clear but never did I see the impact of a school more than this past year.

First a bit of history:

My oldest son, Yaakov, was a very happy baby. He seemed to always be laughing and smiling. One time while he was sleeping we heard odd sounds from his crib and upon further inspection found him laughing in his sleep. After that stage he became a major talker and would engage anyone willing to talk with him. We were thrilled with his progress and excited for his future

Then he began school.

From the time he started until first grade, there was a slow progression of dysfunction. It started with a strong desire to stay home and when his pleas stopped being effective, he began developing unexplained physical issues. At this time he began chewing his clothes. At first it was just the bottom of his sleeve, but it slowly developed to a point when he would return from school with his entire shirt drenched in saliva! He began acting out when he was with his friends and was becoming a class clown. On field trips he was “paired” with students who had significant developmental delays. In retrospect these signs of distress are abundantly clear, but as it happened, it was harder to see how much difficulty he was having. At my wife’s suggestion, we took Yaakov to a psychologist for a full round of educational testing.

The results were life altering.

Dr. Lori Wilson found that Yaakov had an IQ that was shocking. His scores put him in 99.7th percentile in intellectual abilities for children in his age range. She also found that he had significant weaknesses in performance tests. In many areas, there was a 40 point differential between his IQ and performance scores (in his reading ability, there was actually a 70 point differential!) These results indicated a significant learning disorder, specifically in the area of reading. In other words, he was dyslexic. She suggested a number of options. I remember leaving her office with mixed emotions. On one hand we found out that our child had an IQ that was off the charts but at the same time he was now labeled as dyslexic. What does that mean? What happens to child with dyslexia? Would he have to leave our Jewish school? After reflection, professional consultation and rabbinic direction, we signed our son up to enter The Schenck School, a local private school for dyslexics.

This changed our son Yaakov’s life.

His new school celebrated his strengths and assisted him with his weaknesses. Over the next three years, a metamorphosis took place. He went from a timid, scared and insecure person to a confident, engaged and capable learner. His reading test scores went from being in the 2^nd percentile to the 98^th! Slowly he stopped chewing his shirt and he reengaged his old friends in a normal and healthy way. I shutter when I think of what would have happened to him if we would have kept him where he was. Who can imagine what ways (both consciously and otherwise) he would have found to compensate for the immense pain he would have experienced? How could we have ever built a solid Judaic identity on such a faulty emotional foundation?

We learned so much from this experience.

We learned about the profound impact of a learning disability. We learned how important it is to detect and intervene on behalf of a child struggling. We learned what a major difference a good school and teacher can have on a child. We learned that, in our case, Yaakov’s positive self concept translated into a positive and strong Jewish identity. Most of all, we are beginning to learn Yaakov’s wonderful potential in every area of life. Taking the difficult step of switching him from the comfortable Torah Day School to The Schenck School has helped Yaakov blossom into a young man with great dreams and the confidence to pursue those dreams.

For us a school had made quite a difference – it was a personal savior!

The Memory Factory

It is hard to believe we are almost there. The school year’s end is upon us and the finish line is rapidly approaching. Both teachers and students are filled with the bittersweet feelings of anticipating the freedom summer brings while leaving the friendly classroom environment with the uncertainty of what next year’s class will bring. As a Rebbe, the end of the year is an extremely important time that requires thought and planning.

Recently, I viewed a lecture by Nobel Prize winning professor Dr. Daniel Kahneman regarding the role of memory on our feelings about an event or place. His studies have demonstrated that a person's positive or negative associations with a previous experience relates directly to how they remember the experience, not the reality of the positive or negative occurrences during that experience. A classic example would be to imagine a situation in which a person spent an amazing summer in Paris. They stayed in the most wonderful hotels, ate in the best restaurants and saw the magnificent sites. Unfortunately, as they were walking home one night they were mugged and their passport was stolen. It was quite scary and a pain to find the US consulate to replace it. How do you think they will remember the trip ten years later, positively or negatively? One could easily imagine that although the trip was filled with many positive aspects, all that will remain of the trip would be that one memory of terror and fear. This memory has defined the trip as a bad one.

What defines our perception of life experiences is how we remember them, not the reality of what has taken place. How does your average Jewish male feel about his bris? Most of us do not have any feelings about this painful and momentous day. This is because we have no working memory of it. It is our memory of the event, not the event itself, which matters most.

Dr. Kahneman brings a study that was run in the 1990’s in which two patients underwent a painful medical procedure. The participants were asked to report on their pain every 60 seconds. The two patients had similar procedures but patient A’s was a shorter and less involved procedure and he reported less pain every 60 seconds during the procedure itself. The surprise was that patient A had a mush worse memory of the procedure than Patient B. The reason was that although A had an easier experience it ended in more pain than patient B did. It was the level of pain at the end of the procedure that defined experience most. "Endings are very, very important and in this case, the ending dominated the memory."

Here is a link to the lecture;

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/daniel_kahneman_the_riddle_of_experience_vs_memory.html

This information is quite important for a Rebbe as the year ends. Regardless of the success or challenges a talmid has throughout the year, if the Rebbe can find a way to highlight the positive experiences in the talmid’s memory, which will define the year. More important than the specific grades and achievements that a Talmid has throughout the school year is the way he perceives the year. My aim is for my Talmidim to walk away from the year energized and positive about their academic ability, with enthusiasm for learning and for the Yeshiva experience. To this end, I attempt to find ways to focus their thinking on very specific and positive memories. I do this in primarily two ways.

1. We have an end of year final in which we review each page of Gemara we covered. After we review the amud we write up approximately ten facts that they must memorize. Throughout the weeks in which this review is taking place, we review multiple times. By the end the boys have close to 10 basic facts about the mesechta that they have committed to memory and take a final with over fifty questions. We focus on the importance of this review and the magnitude of the number of facts and information each talmid has. So far every talmid has risen to the occasion and succeeded on this defining test. My hope is that this huge sense of success will overshadow any less positive academic memories from the year.

2. My class sizes are generally under ten and therefore I am able to write a short paragraph to each talmid about how much I appreciate them and highlight some of their accomplishments and talents. These notes are given inside a small Tehilim. This note serves a number of important purposes. Among them is the ability to solidify the talmid’s memory of their rebbe in a positive light. My hope is that they will remember the positive words of encouragement and associate them with our relationship for the future.

These are two of the ways I attempt to focus my talmidim on the positive aspects of the year and hope that as they move on in their education this positive energy will define the experience.

A Simple Equation

If I had to list the five most talked about subjects at the Torah Umesorah convention over the past years there is little doubt that cell phone use in Yeshivos would rank. I am exhausted by the energy and thought that has gone into this subject but the issue will just not go away. At this past convention, the topic was brought up again and again. Can a Yeshiva permanently confiscate a cell phone that is found? Can a mechanech look at text messages on a phone? Can a school make a rule forbidding the bringing of a phone when parents perceive the need as an issue of safety? These are just a sampling of the questions raised about this wireless wonder.

I had a number of personal conversations at this year’s convention that have me thinking.

Thursday Night

It started Thursday night with a very rational question raised by a mechanach who is starting a new Yeshiva. He asked me about our policy and was quite surprised when I explained that although we have a rule that forbids phone - many bachurim have them. "Aren’t you being mechanech them to break the rules if you have made a rule you know they are breaking and have no way to really enforce?" I reflected for a moment about this valid point and moved on to the next conversation.

Friday Morning

With this question still on my mind, I found my next conversation about this on Friday morning. I met an expert mechanech who runs a nontraditional out-of-town Yeshiva. His response shocked me. “I require ever bachor to have a cell phone – how else will I know where they are if I need them?” That was quite a different perspective. Is it possible to have a yeshiva with such a policy?

Shabbos Morning

Shabbos morning after davening I had a chance encounter with an assistant menahel from a well known Yeshiva who has a similar policy. He explained that he could not make a rule that he knew would be broken so blatantly. This yeshiva allows phone and even iPods but requires that the bachurim do not watch movies on the iPod. His response to the obvious question regarding the breaking of this rule was that he was confident that most bachurim did not have movies on their ipods. He also shared that when he returns to yeshiva he will work on keeping phones off when in the Bais Medrash or shiur. I respect his creative attempt at this and his deep seated desire to trust his bachurim.

This interaction reminded me of an idea that Rav Simcha Cook of Mechinas Ner Yisreal shared with me years ago. It turns out he is a prophet in addition to being an excellent mechanech. Every rule sets up a “dune” that slows the issue being addressed. This would be a classic example. If a yeshiva has a rule forbidding cell phones, even if there are many bachurim breaking the rule, it keeps all phones out of sight, limits the usage of the cell phones to private moments and places, and allows the rule followers good reason to avoid the cell phone. When a Yeshiva allows cell phones, even in a limited way, they show up everywhere, even in the bais medrash. When making any rules one must assume that it will be broken but the rule will mitigate the behavior of those breaking it none-the-less.

Motzei Shabbos

On Motzei Shabbos, I introduced myself to a well known Menahel of a major, main-stream Yeshiva . He shared with me a practice he used in his Yeshiva. He had many phone lines installed in his dorm as he began to enforce the cell phone rules more vigilantly. He felt that the expense of the many phones and lines was worth it, as he gave the bachurim opportunity to use the phones, in place of their soon-to-be confiscated cell phones. Although I am not sure how much practical impact this effort had on cell phone use, this approach shows respect and empathy for the bachurim.

Sunday Morning

My last encounter with this issue took place Sunday morning. A menahel was giving a talk about interacting with teenagers. He stressed how important giving the teenagers a sense of trust is. When asked about the use of cell phones, he responded that his yeshiva allows “kosher” cell phones in the dorm but not in the main Yeshiva building. He did not think this policy was destroying the yeshiva.

I left the convention unsure of many things.

Here are things I am pretty confident of:

1. Cell phones are part of the life of a modern teenager. It can be compared to a wristwatch of ancient (15 years ago) times

2. A high percentage of bachurim break the electronics rules at some point.

3. There is no real way to enforce rules against the use of cell phones and iPods on any regular basis.

4. Cell phones and iPods with web access can totally undermine serious growth in Torah and Yiras Shamayim.

So now the simple equation –

What does one plus two plus three plus four equal?

TU Convention Recollections 5770

Here are a number of recollections from the convention, anything you have a hard time believing didn’t happen… I must be recalling incorrectly.

Rabbi Frand gave two drashos, one on erev Shabbos about what it takes to be a great teacher and another on Shabbos afternoon about honesty. They were both memorable speeches. The speech on Shabbos afternoon was significant because although the conference theme was Raising Erlecha Yidin, there were few drashos directly on that theme. Rabbi Frand talked about the importance of honesty and how dishonesty has become part of our daily living to the point that we don’t even recognize it at times. He told a humorous story of two meshulachim in Baltimore, one was having trouble getting money from a specific gveer. The meshulach that had been more successful said he would tell the secret to getting money if the meshulach gave him 1/3 of the money he received. After they agreed he was told the key to the gveer’s heart. “Tell him your grandparents were from a specific city in Europe”. And so it was. He was happy to share 1/3 of the “profits” and they went different ways. The next year they both returned to the city and once again the meshulach employed his new trick and received a handsome donation but his year he refused to share any part of it. He claimed that the agreement was only for one year. When they couldn’t resolve the conflict they did what any decent Yid would do…they went to the Baltimore Bais Din of Rabbi Moshe Heineman. He was shocked at their blatant dishonesty and pointed out their need to return the money to the gveer calling them Gazlanim. Rabbi Frand reminded the crowd to be sensitive to the dishonesty that has become common place to the point that we cannot see it.
In continuing the theme of honesty there were two other discussions that related to this topic that come to mind.

At the “Ask the Godal” session on Thursday night a question was asked regarding the reading of text messages on a cell phone that has been confiscated. Rav Shmuel Kamenetzky and Rav Avraham Chaim Levine both strongly discouraged such behavior. They said that although in situations of great need perhaps it could be allowed but as a general practice it should be avoided. Rav Ahron Feldman stated that he had talked to Rav Eliyashiv about this very topic and he stated clearly that a mechanech can check the messages.

Another similar question was asked at the Motzie Shabbos session with Rav Avraham Chaim Levine. Can a menahel lie about a Talmid in order to get him into a Yeshiva? Once again Rav Levine said that one should avoid doing such because you do not want others to do it to you and you will lose credibility. After a discussion from the crowd, Rav Strauss of Lakewood NJ (who does placement) said that when he went to Rav Shtienman he was told that he can lie if he is confident that the bachor will succeed in the new Yeshiva. He also added that if it was a question he can lie because it is considered safek nefashos. Rabbi Strauss was very clear that he is always honest because he knows he must be to be taken seriously.

Another interesting question that was asked on Thursday night was regarding a Morah who has a big family and comes late to class. Can/should the menahel deduct money from her much needed salary. The reaction of the gedolim was swift and strong. Rav Shmuel said that after explaining the expectation to come on time such a teacher should be let go. Rav Feldman added that it could even be done mid-year. He quoted a story with a godal in Eretz Yisrael who when asked how a Rebbe who was let go would have money for food responded “I understand he needs money to eat bread but we do not have to let him eat children instead!”

Modern (Non-) Judaism

Our Yeshiva has a group of students who participated in a JCC sponsored basketball league. Their team made the championship and many members of the Yeshiva went to the final game to cheer them on. The competition was quite good and our players were rattled by their speed and skill. It was a close and competitive game until our team started to get called on travelling and fouls. Although no official count was made it seemed that more penalties were called on the team which sported Yarmulkas and Tzitzis. The second half slowly tipped toward to other team and we eventually lost the game. Complaining about the referees was not surprising, as such behavior is expected from any teenager (or adult children) who loses a game with a lot of such calls by the referee. What surprised me was the sentiment that it was anti-Semitism which motivated the poor calls. Although the majority of players accepted the loss with valor, there was an undercurrent of attitude from some that the officials objected more to their faith than to their walking while carrying the ball. Leaving aside the fact this game was played in the JCC, where one would assume both teams are Jewish and equally subject to bias, this response is worthy of consideration.

It is not hard to find how such a predisposition has developed. The Jewish people have suffered anti- Semitism from before that word was crafted. Every child is taught about the painful history of oppression we have suffered. Additionally, there are a number of Chazals that focus on the continual threat of anti-Semitism. On the seder night as we recall our suffering at the hands of the Egyptians. We say, “in every generation, they will stand up to destroy us but You will save us from their hands”. Any basic Chumash lesson will focus on the eternal hatred that Aisav has for Yaakov. These, and many other words of Chazel, set up a culture aimed at viewing the Non-Jew as suspect at best, and even outright criminal in some cases.

We can find a similar trend in our contemporary news. It is rare to read about an Orthodox criminal who takes full responsibility for the crime and punishment they have been convicted of. Even when those facts are given the thrust of Orthodox Jewish press seems to focus more on the aspects of the case which are seen as unfair, and not on the elements of guilt and remorse. This can be seen starting with the case of Jonathon Pollard whose unprecedented prison term has been explained as blatant anti-Semitism. Over the years the only aspect of Mr. Pollard’s case I have encountered has been regarding the “unfair system” and “anti-Semitism” that surrounds his case. The recent case of Sholom Rubashkin is probably too sensitive an issue to highlight but it seems to follow a similar trend, in which a life sentence has been sought, has also been pinned as anti-Semitism. These are two of the more notorious examples but there are many more that follow a similar pattern. I am not assessing whether the allegations of anti-Semitism are true and to what extent, I am simply pointing out the messages these cases convey. The message of these news stories are that anti-Semitism is alive, well, and part of the establishment.

There is no doubt that anti-Semitism exists. On numerous occasions I have personally had the unpleasant experience of being screamed at while walking home from shul. We can none-the-less overlook the unique status of Jews in our modern world. The Jewish people have freedoms that are unprecedented in world history. There was perhaps no greater demonstration of this than the close election that took place in 2000 in which a publicly Orthodox Jew was nearly elected to the second highest office in United States of America!

The question that needs to be addressed is what message should we be communicating to our children? Should our message be impacted as a result of our modern predicament? Are we communicating a overly strong sense of fear and similarly an assumption that the average non-Jew has an intrinsic hatred of us? Was the reaction of our basketball team an indication that we may need to refocus our message and attitudes regarding Non-Jews in the modern world?

Like many similar questions there is no clear answer but the conversation itself may lead us closer to the proper approach.

Sparks of Greatness

We are now in the post-Pesach final stretch. By this point in the year, relationships are built, classroom rules are well-greased and the students should be in a prime position to learn. I enjoy this time of year very much.

A mechanech in a Modern Orthodox Yeshiva High School just told me a story about one of his talmidim. This high school talmid walked into class after Pesach like every other student. While some students talked about trips to out-of-town family and stays in fancy hotels, this student simply stated that he was home with his family.

Later the true story came out.

This teenage child found out right before Pesach that his mother was quite ill and had to go away for treatments leaving him alone with his father, special needs brother and other younger siblings. This family is new to Orthodox Judaism and was not sure how to approach Yom Tov. Who would clean the house? Who would cook for the sedarim, ect…? Although his mother was going to be released from the hospital in time to be home for Pesach, she would be in no condition to help with preparation. His father was busy at work and was also not able to make adjustments to be home. Perhaps they would “skip” Pesach and make do with minimum cleaning and a takeout seder. This young man wanted Pesach to be Pesach and took the preparations upon himself. He cleaned the entire house and cooked for the family. Although these jobs are usually shouldered by a team of adults, children and, often times, paid help, this young man did it all himself because he wanted his family to experience Pesach. When I heard this story I was touch in heart and mind.

In my heart I ask what does this say about this very young person’s commitment to mitzvos? Many children would follow the circumstances and rely on the adults to make

Pesach, but this young man was willing to take on such a difficult task in order to have Yom Tov. How impressed I am by these quiet acts of greatness, most of which we never know about. How lucky is this boy’s Rebbe who can build on this solid foundation of commitment to Torah!

My mind finds it amazing to think that he sits in his class with everyone else. As a teacher we would never know what is going on at home. All the while he had a sickly mother, stressed-out father, special needs sibling and Pesach coming quick, but he came to school, took tests and interacted with friends. What else could be going on? What other students are overcoming challenges, scared or worried about family?

This story is just one of many similar ones which take place on a regular basis in any school. If we look with a careful eye we can see these sparks of greatness.

Don’t walk in front of me…I may not follow

Recently, Rabbi Yisrael Reissman visited our community. During a speech, he quoted a Chazal regarding Mordechai to demonstrate the reality of leadership. The Chazal stated “Mordechai was accepted by most of his brothers”. By definition, Mordechai taking the position of leader made him only acceptable to most of the people. It would be impossible to be embraced by all.

It is well known what the Bais Halievi is reported to have said regarding a shul Rav- any Rav who the people don't want to throw out is not successful, but any Rav who they actually throw out is not a mentsch. I have often wondered what it is about leadership that causes such friction. Why must a leader accept this fate?

Here is where my thinking has brought me:

Any person who is in a position of making substantive decisions that affect many people, is going to cause friction. Leaders must weigh a number of complex factors that do not have clear black and white answers. When we make these decisions for ourselves we can accept the outcome because we have chartered our own course. But when someone else makes the choice for us, it is often difficult to focus on the entire equation and much easier to see the negative side.

The challenge of accepting another person’s leadership is difficult in any aspect of life, whether the environment is one of a family, workplace, or community system. There seem to be some specific factors that exist in an educational environment that can be particularly challenging. This is due to unique aspects that come into play for teachers in a school situation. These factors may include:

1. Educational decisions are often ambiguous. The best way for a teacher to deal with academic or behavior challenges is never clear. Often the impact of these decisions cannot be seen for years. Decisions regarding dress codes, suspensions, curriculum, expulsions and class changes are never simple and they always involve many people, values and implications.
2. Teachers are accustomed to a significant amount of autonomy. Every teacher’s classroom is his kingdom. Teachers get used to the control that comes with that environment. It is especially hard to embrace directives that encroach on that autonomy.
3. The roles of teachers are integrated into daily life. Many teachers have their own children in the classroom or a neighbor’s classroom, and the directives of the leader impact them quite personally. In some communities the teachers also feel that they reflect the school and serve as community ambassadors. The complex roles can make school policies more difficult to defend and support.

Like many challenges in life, the first step in dealing with them is to recognize that the issue exists. When the parties appreciate the inherit difficulty in accepting leadership directives they can begin to avoid quick and emotional negativity that corrodes any environment.

Here are some thoughts that may help mitigate the negativity:

1. Leaders are paid to lead and take the responsibility for their leadership. As a teacher you are not responsible for the outcomes of poor decision making. There is no need to take ownership of every decision made. A person will feel much more comfortable by letting go of this burden which is not his.
2. No leader is perfect. We do not have to look further than Moshe Rabbienu to see a leader who had faults and whose constituency questioned his authority. This is par for the course of leaders and the led. If teachers expect leaders to be super human and flawless then disappointment will be quick in coming.
3. Keep in mind the complexity of the issues being decided and appreciate that intelligent, well- meaning and competent people can easily see the other sides of the issue.
4. One final thing to consider is the very real possibility that you are not privy to all of the information involved in the decision. Often there can be additional sensitive information that only the leader is fully aware of. The knowledge of this information can explain much but for any number of reasons it may be never known to you.

Wise leaders will attempt to create responsive environment in which teachers feel that they have partners in many decisions. To the extent that this doesn’t exist, being a positive and supportive person is a better life policy than a critical one. Chazal have already emphasized this is the directive of being an “Aiyen Tov”. People with “good eyes” are able to discern the complexity of many issues and are able to avoid the pit of negativity and criticism that erodes work environments, relationships, and a schools' abilities to effectively teach torah.

Summer Sabbatical

We are well passed the half-way mark of the school year and day dreams of summer time have begun. There are some who advocate for a full year of school. At the past Torah Umesorah Convention’s “Ask the Gadol” session on Thursday night, a question was raised regarding our current summer break. It seemed to be unanimous amongst the Gedolim that our school year should be lengthened with breaks interspersed throughout the school year. Different cultures have different systems regarding the school year and I have not done any extensive research about this topic. Some Gedolim feel the break is unnecessary and students can produce more with more time in Yeshiva.

Regardless of the ideal school year size, current teachers are faced with a two month opportunity each year. There was a custom years ago for teachers to take a sabbatical after 7 years of teaching. The concept is that teaching is a very taxing and emotionally draining profession. Taking a year off allows the teacher to re-energize and explore an area of interest, so he can return to the profession with vigor, energy and emotional resolve. For a number of reasons, this custom is no longer practiced. However, the summer still provides teachers (and students) with a small taste of a sabbatical where similar rejuvenation can take place.

Unfortunately, most Rebbeim need to monetize these months by taking jobs in camps or other educational environments. This reality can impede the therapeutic nature of this time. I have been fortunate enough to have found summer opportunities that provide both emotional and financial substance.

For aspiring teachers, pulpit rabbis and community kollel members, these summers are invaluable. The summer provides the opportunity to try out the waters in various positions before making the serious commitment of a full time job. When I started out, I was unsure which aspect of “kli kodesh” I was meant for. I had the good fortune of tasting community kollel life by participating on a seed-type summer experience with Rabbi David Forman in Palo Alto California. I was also able to try out being a pulpit Rabbi in Sharon, Massachusetts and an elementary school rebbe at TA camp in Baltimore. These summers gave me real life experience in different areas, so when opportunities have come up, I have had a better idea of what kind of job I would appreciate.

I still look to summer for enrichment and growth. Summertime is a gift. With planning and Hashem’s help, one can find the time to make it a small sabbatical. Refreshing, rewarding and rejuvenating.

Purim Quandary

I am in a real quandary as to what to do this Purim regarding drinking.

On one hand I think back to my years in Yeshiva and can picture Rebbiem singing and sharing ever flowing divrie Torah and love for Talmidim. It is truly a remarkable Kiddush Hashem every time I think of it and can appreciate this beautiful expression of simcha in which alcohol played a critical role. Don’t I want to expose my children and Talmidim to this and follow the Mesorah that I have seen in my Rebbiem? A major theme of Purim is to take this physical aspect of the miracle and be makdish it with our actions.

On the other hand.

Drinking seems to be an issue plaguing our youth. We are all aware of horror stories that involve teenage bachurim abusing alcohol. In previous years, and even recently, Gedolie Yisrael have stating that getting drink is not in the ruach Hatorah if not an Aveyra. Can a responsible community leader dismiss these words? What message will I be giving about our Gedolim if I were to be visibly drunk for my children and Talmidim? The very same Gadolim whose pictures hang on our wall and whose words I continually quote after every Torah Umesorah convention. Also do I want to play even the smallest role in encouraging teenage drinking?

Is “OoT” - OuT of it?

I have recently returned from a trip up north. It is hard to describe how exciting it was for me to walk up and down 13th Avenue in Boro Park. I had to restrain myself from saying hello to every person I saw! So much Jewish life! So many minyanim! So many seforim and candy stores! Although I did not pass any mirrors I would imagine that I had a big smile on my face the entire day. It is not only the conveniences of these communities that make them so attractive to me. I am most taken by the impact of living in an environment where a Torah lifestyle is the norm. When Torah observance is pervasive in a community there must be so many opportunities for chavrusa learning, shiurim and general enrichment.

Although these experiences make me appreciate how my life would be improved by living in the larger Jewish communities, it also allows me to reflect on my current community and appreciate aspects that are unique to “Out of Town” (OoT) living.

It was not enough for our family to move to the OoT city of Atlanta. After a year and half in the area of town with a large Frum population we decided to move to the OoT OoT community of Dunwoody. The community can be described as a satellite of the Atlanta Scholars Kollel that was started over ten years ago in a small house. The community now boasts a beautiful shul and approximately 150 family members of the Orthodox synagogue, Congregation Ariel. Of the 150 families I would estimate 25 are strictly shomer shabbos and less than a hand full of those have been so for more than ten years. Ariel has an amazing Rabbi and Rebbitzin, Binyomin and Dena Friedman, two kollel Rabbis, and some other wonderfully dedicated families.

One unique aspect of living OoT is the simple sense of community one feels. The community itself becomes sort of an extended family in a way that does not exist in the larger community. It is not unheard of for someone in a large community to not know much about a neighbor or certainly someone a few houses down but OoT we view each other as one group.

This value is not only regarding the emotional support one feels but it also express itself in Avodas Hashem. When one lives in such an environment as our OoT community one is given the opportunity to help others in a profound and unique way. With some many individuals new to Yidishkiet and searching to develop into Torah True families there are constant questions to answer, modeling and opportunities to give. Of course such opportunities exist in every community but here they part of the fabric of everyday living. Simply walking to shul, following halacha, and making a play date for your children becomes an opportunity for giving and growth.

Another advantage relates to the power of family life. I am reminded of a study often quoted by Dr. David Pelcovitz which linked the number of nights a family sat down to dinner to the children’s resilience to drug use. The more time a family spends together the less likely it is that the children will fall to drug use. The clear implication of this study is that family time is essential to emotional well being. As a result of there not being many frum children on our block our children spend much of their time in our house or playing at a limited number of neighbors’ frum homes. This provides for much more quality family time. There is another advantage to having children play at home. My impression of many neighborhoods is that elementary school children can walk from house to house and often parents are unaware of where, what and with whom their children are. With my children playing with a limited pool of friend whose parents I know well and I can be more aware of what they are up to. They may be a bit more bored than other children but I would rather that then risk their emotional safety.

One more significant advantage of living OoT relates to the odd chance that a child is Oo (out of) the box. One does not need to call Rabbi Abraham Twersky to appreciate how difficult it is for an ever so slightly special needs child to grow up and some Jewish communities. By special needs I truly mean to include any special need what so ever. The need may be educational, behavioral or emotional. Living OoT can provide a family and child the space and freedom to live out of the box without the additional burden of wondering what others would think. I recently attended a lecture from a prominent mental health professional who bemoaned the significant pressure placed on many children who grow up in the major Jewish communities. Such pressure is significantly reduced in the OoT schools and culture.

There are a myriad of factors that affect where a person lives their life and raises their children. Of course many of the advantages come with negative aspects that are quite significant and there are many wonderful reasons to live in our larger communities. For those who find Hashkacha leading them OoT you should know that it is not that bad after all.

Flair Effect

What makes some teachers more engaging than others?

There are many answers to this age-old question that include quality of lesson, kindness of discipline, along with a number of other important factors. I have found that one of the aspects that ensures that class be enjoyable is adding a simple but creative element to the lesson. As students settle into their familiar seats with the familiar class routines, a teacher can ignite the classroom with little effort. This can be done in a number of free or very inexpensive ways. When students begin to learn that you are unpredictable they want to be there on time and are excited for class. These ideas cannot be a substitute for substantive lesson planning, but rather are used to turn an average dish of meat and potatoes into a spicy delicacy that has students asking for more.

Here are some ideas:

Come into class with a small jar of jelly beans. Each time a student answers a question correctly or has his finger on place he can guess how many jelly beans are in the jar. You write their names and guesses on the board and keep going until the end of the day or week, in the last five minutes of class. The person closest to the correct number gets the jar.

Buy any interesting looking toy at a dollar store and come into class with it. Give out raffle tickets all day and raffle it off at the end of class.

Give each person in the class a number. When you need to ask a question start a stop watch and call on the person with the number where you randomly stop it. The anticipation of being called on keeps everyone engaged.

Bring a box of Mike and Ikes and give out a candy to each person who answers, asks or performs well.

Go to a magic store and buy an inexpensive trick or two. Tell the students that when they get a specific number of class points you will perform the trick. Another day later that year you can require double the original number of points to reveal how you did the trick!

These are just a few basic ideas that will not affect the lesson much but can make the lesson fun and encourage energetic participation. These techniques also create positive emotional connections with the teacher and learning. As long as the game does not become the entire focus of the day, these tools can take just another day and make it one to remember.