I am considering starting a group called “Humans Against Sarcasm”, with the aim of banishing sarcasm from the world. Although I must admit that I unfortunately sometimes falter and utilize sarcasm, it doesn’t change my attitude towards it.
Sarcasm is like plaque on relationships. It sits and slowly erodes the areas of weakness that exist between people. In otherwise healthy relationships, sarcasm allows these weaknesses to be exacerbated, agitated and enlarged. And although some take pride in their wit and ability to share “smart” criticisms in guised words, this is distasteful and inconsistent with the refined behavior we strive towards.
Sarcasm allows a person to be disparaging without taking responsibly for their words. For instance, David walks into the room sports his new watch that he is quite proud of. Avi looks at it and says in an ever so mildly sarcastic tone “wow – what yard sale did you pick that thing up at?” When asked about his behavior, Avi will undoubtedly retort that he meant nothing by his comments; that he was just joking and it is not a big deal. Can any objective bystander buy this rationalization? In truth David got a new watch and Avi told him it looks like a piece of junk. Is this comment funny, or “no big deal”? Probably not to David but since Avi used a sarcastic tone these hurtful remarks become socially acceptable. Avi doesn’t have to take responsibly for his inconsiderate words.
Parental, spousal, and professional relationships can all be deleteriously impacted by the usage of sarcasm. Sarcasm can replace healthy and direct communication. Hiding behind the emotional curtain that sarcasm creates, albeit subconsciously, is destructive to marital bliss, effective parenting and lasting friendships.
For a teacher in the classroom the stakes are equally high.
All teachers would admit that put downs, name calling, and negativity should not be part of the communication toolbox of any educator. We have all learned through experience that positive (and assertive) communication is the most effective. As a teacher, when I use sarcasm with students (perhaps unknowingly), I am putting down and insulting my precious students. The tragic aspect of all this is that most often we are unaware of the impact of our behavior.
Here is a common example. After pre-teaching, teaching and reviewing a complex idea, the teacher gives a quiz (see Nov. 2010 Assessing Assessments) to assess how well the students understand the material. Upon discovering that a small group of students have yet to master the material, the teacher may say “How many times do I have to teach this?” or “I guess you guys have cotton in your ears.” When questioned, the teacher will reflect responsibility by saying “I didn’t say they weren’t smart”. But after thoughtful reflection I am sure the teacher would recognize that while the teacher didn’t say that, nonetheless, that is certainly what was communicated.
A few years ago, after reflecting of the destructive nature of sarcasm in the classroom I made a commitment to my class not to talk to them in that tone. To reinforce this goal I offered one dollar to any student who “caught” me using sarcasm in the classroom. Although this experiment did cost me some money I felt it taught the students (and myself) a lesson about talking nicely to each other. I am still working on this effort with mixed results but no longer offer a dollar for each infraction.
I try to be conscious of the significant power teachers possess in developing our students self esteem. Students look to us for reassurance that they are “good” and deserving of praise. Well meaning adults can unknowingly model this negative behavior and possibly undermine many positive interactions with one comment.
