School Savior

How much impact does a school really have on the development of a child? Is the life of my child different because he goes to one school or another? Certainly as an educator I believe the answers to these questions are clear but never did I see the impact of a school more than this past year.

First a bit of history:

My oldest son, Yaakov, was a very happy baby. He seemed to always be laughing and smiling. One time while he was sleeping we heard odd sounds from his crib and upon further inspection found him laughing in his sleep. After that stage he became a major talker and would engage anyone willing to talk with him. We were thrilled with his progress and excited for his future

Then he began school.

From the time he started until first grade, there was a slow progression of dysfunction. It started with a strong desire to stay home and when his pleas stopped being effective, he began developing unexplained physical issues. At this time he began chewing his clothes. At first it was just the bottom of his sleeve, but it slowly developed to a point when he would return from school with his entire shirt drenched in saliva! He began acting out when he was with his friends and was becoming a class clown. On field trips he was “paired” with students who had significant developmental delays. In retrospect these signs of distress are abundantly clear, but as it happened, it was harder to see how much difficulty he was having. At my wife’s suggestion, we took Yaakov to a psychologist for a full round of educational testing.

The results were life altering.

Dr. Lori Wilson found that Yaakov had an IQ that was shocking. His scores put him in 99.7th percentile in intellectual abilities for children in his age range. She also found that he had significant weaknesses in performance tests. In many areas, there was a 40 point differential between his IQ and performance scores (in his reading ability, there was actually a 70 point differential!) These results indicated a significant learning disorder, specifically in the area of reading. In other words, he was dyslexic. She suggested a number of options. I remember leaving her office with mixed emotions. On one hand we found out that our child had an IQ that was off the charts but at the same time he was now labeled as dyslexic. What does that mean? What happens to child with dyslexia? Would he have to leave our Jewish school? After reflection, professional consultation and rabbinic direction, we signed our son up to enter The Schenck School, a local private school for dyslexics.

This changed our son Yaakov’s life.

His new school celebrated his strengths and assisted him with his weaknesses. Over the next three years, a metamorphosis took place. He went from a timid, scared and insecure person to a confident, engaged and capable learner. His reading test scores went from being in the 2^nd percentile to the 98^th! Slowly he stopped chewing his shirt and he reengaged his old friends in a normal and healthy way. I shutter when I think of what would have happened to him if we would have kept him where he was. Who can imagine what ways (both consciously and otherwise) he would have found to compensate for the immense pain he would have experienced? How could we have ever built a solid Judaic identity on such a faulty emotional foundation?

We learned so much from this experience.

We learned about the profound impact of a learning disability. We learned how important it is to detect and intervene on behalf of a child struggling. We learned what a major difference a good school and teacher can have on a child. We learned that, in our case, Yaakov’s positive self concept translated into a positive and strong Jewish identity. Most of all, we are beginning to learn Yaakov’s wonderful potential in every area of life. Taking the difficult step of switching him from the comfortable Torah Day School to The Schenck School has helped Yaakov blossom into a young man with great dreams and the confidence to pursue those dreams.

For us a school had made quite a difference – it was a personal savior!

The Memory Factory

It is hard to believe we are almost there. The school year’s end is upon us and the finish line is rapidly approaching. Both teachers and students are filled with the bittersweet feelings of anticipating the freedom summer brings while leaving the friendly classroom environment with the uncertainty of what next year’s class will bring. As a Rebbe, the end of the year is an extremely important time that requires thought and planning.

Recently, I viewed a lecture by Nobel Prize winning professor Dr. Daniel Kahneman regarding the role of memory on our feelings about an event or place. His studies have demonstrated that a person's positive or negative associations with a previous experience relates directly to how they remember the experience, not the reality of the positive or negative occurrences during that experience. A classic example would be to imagine a situation in which a person spent an amazing summer in Paris. They stayed in the most wonderful hotels, ate in the best restaurants and saw the magnificent sites. Unfortunately, as they were walking home one night they were mugged and their passport was stolen. It was quite scary and a pain to find the US consulate to replace it. How do you think they will remember the trip ten years later, positively or negatively? One could easily imagine that although the trip was filled with many positive aspects, all that will remain of the trip would be that one memory of terror and fear. This memory has defined the trip as a bad one.

What defines our perception of life experiences is how we remember them, not the reality of what has taken place. How does your average Jewish male feel about his bris? Most of us do not have any feelings about this painful and momentous day. This is because we have no working memory of it. It is our memory of the event, not the event itself, which matters most.

Dr. Kahneman brings a study that was run in the 1990’s in which two patients underwent a painful medical procedure. The participants were asked to report on their pain every 60 seconds. The two patients had similar procedures but patient A’s was a shorter and less involved procedure and he reported less pain every 60 seconds during the procedure itself. The surprise was that patient A had a mush worse memory of the procedure than Patient B. The reason was that although A had an easier experience it ended in more pain than patient B did. It was the level of pain at the end of the procedure that defined experience most. "Endings are very, very important and in this case, the ending dominated the memory."

Here is a link to the lecture;

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/daniel_kahneman_the_riddle_of_experience_vs_memory.html

This information is quite important for a Rebbe as the year ends. Regardless of the success or challenges a talmid has throughout the year, if the Rebbe can find a way to highlight the positive experiences in the talmid’s memory, which will define the year. More important than the specific grades and achievements that a Talmid has throughout the school year is the way he perceives the year. My aim is for my Talmidim to walk away from the year energized and positive about their academic ability, with enthusiasm for learning and for the Yeshiva experience. To this end, I attempt to find ways to focus their thinking on very specific and positive memories. I do this in primarily two ways.

1. We have an end of year final in which we review each page of Gemara we covered. After we review the amud we write up approximately ten facts that they must memorize. Throughout the weeks in which this review is taking place, we review multiple times. By the end the boys have close to 10 basic facts about the mesechta that they have committed to memory and take a final with over fifty questions. We focus on the importance of this review and the magnitude of the number of facts and information each talmid has. So far every talmid has risen to the occasion and succeeded on this defining test. My hope is that this huge sense of success will overshadow any less positive academic memories from the year.

2. My class sizes are generally under ten and therefore I am able to write a short paragraph to each talmid about how much I appreciate them and highlight some of their accomplishments and talents. These notes are given inside a small Tehilim. This note serves a number of important purposes. Among them is the ability to solidify the talmid’s memory of their rebbe in a positive light. My hope is that they will remember the positive words of encouragement and associate them with our relationship for the future.

These are two of the ways I attempt to focus my talmidim on the positive aspects of the year and hope that as they move on in their education this positive energy will define the experience.