Over the summer we were blessed with a new addition to our family. Shalom Uri was born about three weeks before the start of school. Having a baby during the summer vacation is exponentially more convenient than any other time. One does not feel the pressure of being torn between the needs of family and students. When the school year actually began, I found myself simultaneously getting to know our new son and a new class. I have found some remarkable similarities in both these experiences.
Within the first few days and weeks that we have brought a new baby home, my wife began to share aspects of his personality. Is he easy going or more particular? Is he more sensitive? Does he seem alert and aware of his world? While many of these predictions do actualize over the next few years, a unique personality beings to blossom from the very beginning. By the time a child is two or three we are all aware of the unique aspects of the child’s interaction with the world. Each child has his/her own unique style, along with strengths and challenges. These identifying characteristics with probably stay with each person for the rest of their lives.
There is no easy way to explain why a particular family will have a child with a particular personality. There are times in which some traits can be traced back through generations, but there are also times when there is no explanation for a behavior or attitude. I like to believe that parents would not be given a challenge that they cannot handle. There can be very difficult children but some way parents can learn how to respond best. Obviously there are exceptions, but generally speaking parents must feel that they are capable to raise each child “according to his way”. To put in spiritual terms – there is Hashgacha that brings children and parents together. Somehow this is also an expression of the Hand of G-d.
Every group has its own unique dynamic. Dr. Irvin Yalom and many other psychiatrists have studied the personality of groups. Just has individual personality are the mosaic of many specific elements within each person a group follows the same model. Each group has a unique mosaic of personalities that plays into the development of the culture of the group. This culture can be detected early on. It is not uncommon for me to discuss a 9th grade class with that class's kindergarten teacher and find that not too much has changed since kindergarten.
As the school year marches on, I begin to learn about the unique personality of my class. In the role of rebbe, I try to mimic my view as a parent and find the strengths in the class personality. As parents we hope to recognize strength and acknowledge challenge in order to properly parent. As a rebbe, we follow a similar approach and embrace the strengths while seeking to improve areas of difficulty that a class may possess. Having clarity in this area will give the rebbe a frame of reference for many of the experiences he will encounter during the year. In the end, as in every area of life, we accept the hand of Hashem and see each biological and spiritual child as an opportunity for personal growth.
