A Simple Equation

If I had to list the five most talked about subjects at the Torah Umesorah convention over the past years there is little doubt that cell phone use in Yeshivos would rank. I am exhausted by the energy and thought that has gone into this subject but the issue will just not go away. At this past convention, the topic was brought up again and again. Can a Yeshiva permanently confiscate a cell phone that is found? Can a mechanech look at text messages on a phone? Can a school make a rule forbidding the bringing of a phone when parents perceive the need as an issue of safety? These are just a sampling of the questions raised about this wireless wonder.

I had a number of personal conversations at this year’s convention that have me thinking.

Thursday Night

It started Thursday night with a very rational question raised by a mechanach who is starting a new Yeshiva. He asked me about our policy and was quite surprised when I explained that although we have a rule that forbids phone - many bachurim have them. "Aren’t you being mechanech them to break the rules if you have made a rule you know they are breaking and have no way to really enforce?" I reflected for a moment about this valid point and moved on to the next conversation.

Friday Morning

With this question still on my mind, I found my next conversation about this on Friday morning. I met an expert mechanech who runs a nontraditional out-of-town Yeshiva. His response shocked me. “I require ever bachor to have a cell phone – how else will I know where they are if I need them?” That was quite a different perspective. Is it possible to have a yeshiva with such a policy?

Shabbos Morning

Shabbos morning after davening I had a chance encounter with an assistant menahel from a well known Yeshiva who has a similar policy. He explained that he could not make a rule that he knew would be broken so blatantly. This yeshiva allows phone and even iPods but requires that the bachurim do not watch movies on the iPod. His response to the obvious question regarding the breaking of this rule was that he was confident that most bachurim did not have movies on their ipods. He also shared that when he returns to yeshiva he will work on keeping phones off when in the Bais Medrash or shiur. I respect his creative attempt at this and his deep seated desire to trust his bachurim.

This interaction reminded me of an idea that Rav Simcha Cook of Mechinas Ner Yisreal shared with me years ago. It turns out he is a prophet in addition to being an excellent mechanech. Every rule sets up a “dune” that slows the issue being addressed. This would be a classic example. If a yeshiva has a rule forbidding cell phones, even if there are many bachurim breaking the rule, it keeps all phones out of sight, limits the usage of the cell phones to private moments and places, and allows the rule followers good reason to avoid the cell phone. When a Yeshiva allows cell phones, even in a limited way, they show up everywhere, even in the bais medrash. When making any rules one must assume that it will be broken but the rule will mitigate the behavior of those breaking it none-the-less.

Motzei Shabbos

On Motzei Shabbos, I introduced myself to a well known Menahel of a major, main-stream Yeshiva . He shared with me a practice he used in his Yeshiva. He had many phone lines installed in his dorm as he began to enforce the cell phone rules more vigilantly. He felt that the expense of the many phones and lines was worth it, as he gave the bachurim opportunity to use the phones, in place of their soon-to-be confiscated cell phones. Although I am not sure how much practical impact this effort had on cell phone use, this approach shows respect and empathy for the bachurim.

Sunday Morning

My last encounter with this issue took place Sunday morning. A menahel was giving a talk about interacting with teenagers. He stressed how important giving the teenagers a sense of trust is. When asked about the use of cell phones, he responded that his yeshiva allows “kosher” cell phones in the dorm but not in the main Yeshiva building. He did not think this policy was destroying the yeshiva.

I left the convention unsure of many things.

Here are things I am pretty confident of:

1. Cell phones are part of the life of a modern teenager. It can be compared to a wristwatch of ancient (15 years ago) times

2. A high percentage of bachurim break the electronics rules at some point.

3. There is no real way to enforce rules against the use of cell phones and iPods on any regular basis.

4. Cell phones and iPods with web access can totally undermine serious growth in Torah and Yiras Shamayim.

So now the simple equation –

What does one plus two plus three plus four equal?

TU Convention Recollections 5770

Here are a number of recollections from the convention, anything you have a hard time believing didn’t happen… I must be recalling incorrectly.

Rabbi Frand gave two drashos, one on erev Shabbos about what it takes to be a great teacher and another on Shabbos afternoon about honesty. They were both memorable speeches. The speech on Shabbos afternoon was significant because although the conference theme was Raising Erlecha Yidin, there were few drashos directly on that theme. Rabbi Frand talked about the importance of honesty and how dishonesty has become part of our daily living to the point that we don’t even recognize it at times. He told a humorous story of two meshulachim in Baltimore, one was having trouble getting money from a specific gveer. The meshulach that had been more successful said he would tell the secret to getting money if the meshulach gave him 1/3 of the money he received. After they agreed he was told the key to the gveer’s heart. “Tell him your grandparents were from a specific city in Europe”. And so it was. He was happy to share 1/3 of the “profits” and they went different ways. The next year they both returned to the city and once again the meshulach employed his new trick and received a handsome donation but his year he refused to share any part of it. He claimed that the agreement was only for one year. When they couldn’t resolve the conflict they did what any decent Yid would do…they went to the Baltimore Bais Din of Rabbi Moshe Heineman. He was shocked at their blatant dishonesty and pointed out their need to return the money to the gveer calling them Gazlanim. Rabbi Frand reminded the crowd to be sensitive to the dishonesty that has become common place to the point that we cannot see it.
In continuing the theme of honesty there were two other discussions that related to this topic that come to mind.

At the “Ask the Godal” session on Thursday night a question was asked regarding the reading of text messages on a cell phone that has been confiscated. Rav Shmuel Kamenetzky and Rav Avraham Chaim Levine both strongly discouraged such behavior. They said that although in situations of great need perhaps it could be allowed but as a general practice it should be avoided. Rav Ahron Feldman stated that he had talked to Rav Eliyashiv about this very topic and he stated clearly that a mechanech can check the messages.

Another similar question was asked at the Motzie Shabbos session with Rav Avraham Chaim Levine. Can a menahel lie about a Talmid in order to get him into a Yeshiva? Once again Rav Levine said that one should avoid doing such because you do not want others to do it to you and you will lose credibility. After a discussion from the crowd, Rav Strauss of Lakewood NJ (who does placement) said that when he went to Rav Shtienman he was told that he can lie if he is confident that the bachor will succeed in the new Yeshiva. He also added that if it was a question he can lie because it is considered safek nefashos. Rabbi Strauss was very clear that he is always honest because he knows he must be to be taken seriously.

Another interesting question that was asked on Thursday night was regarding a Morah who has a big family and comes late to class. Can/should the menahel deduct money from her much needed salary. The reaction of the gedolim was swift and strong. Rav Shmuel said that after explaining the expectation to come on time such a teacher should be let go. Rav Feldman added that it could even be done mid-year. He quoted a story with a godal in Eretz Yisrael who when asked how a Rebbe who was let go would have money for food responded “I understand he needs money to eat bread but we do not have to let him eat children instead!”

Modern (Non-) Judaism

Our Yeshiva has a group of students who participated in a JCC sponsored basketball league. Their team made the championship and many members of the Yeshiva went to the final game to cheer them on. The competition was quite good and our players were rattled by their speed and skill. It was a close and competitive game until our team started to get called on travelling and fouls. Although no official count was made it seemed that more penalties were called on the team which sported Yarmulkas and Tzitzis. The second half slowly tipped toward to other team and we eventually lost the game. Complaining about the referees was not surprising, as such behavior is expected from any teenager (or adult children) who loses a game with a lot of such calls by the referee. What surprised me was the sentiment that it was anti-Semitism which motivated the poor calls. Although the majority of players accepted the loss with valor, there was an undercurrent of attitude from some that the officials objected more to their faith than to their walking while carrying the ball. Leaving aside the fact this game was played in the JCC, where one would assume both teams are Jewish and equally subject to bias, this response is worthy of consideration.

It is not hard to find how such a predisposition has developed. The Jewish people have suffered anti- Semitism from before that word was crafted. Every child is taught about the painful history of oppression we have suffered. Additionally, there are a number of Chazals that focus on the continual threat of anti-Semitism. On the seder night as we recall our suffering at the hands of the Egyptians. We say, “in every generation, they will stand up to destroy us but You will save us from their hands”. Any basic Chumash lesson will focus on the eternal hatred that Aisav has for Yaakov. These, and many other words of Chazel, set up a culture aimed at viewing the Non-Jew as suspect at best, and even outright criminal in some cases.

We can find a similar trend in our contemporary news. It is rare to read about an Orthodox criminal who takes full responsibility for the crime and punishment they have been convicted of. Even when those facts are given the thrust of Orthodox Jewish press seems to focus more on the aspects of the case which are seen as unfair, and not on the elements of guilt and remorse. This can be seen starting with the case of Jonathon Pollard whose unprecedented prison term has been explained as blatant anti-Semitism. Over the years the only aspect of Mr. Pollard’s case I have encountered has been regarding the “unfair system” and “anti-Semitism” that surrounds his case. The recent case of Sholom Rubashkin is probably too sensitive an issue to highlight but it seems to follow a similar trend, in which a life sentence has been sought, has also been pinned as anti-Semitism. These are two of the more notorious examples but there are many more that follow a similar pattern. I am not assessing whether the allegations of anti-Semitism are true and to what extent, I am simply pointing out the messages these cases convey. The message of these news stories are that anti-Semitism is alive, well, and part of the establishment.

There is no doubt that anti-Semitism exists. On numerous occasions I have personally had the unpleasant experience of being screamed at while walking home from shul. We can none-the-less overlook the unique status of Jews in our modern world. The Jewish people have freedoms that are unprecedented in world history. There was perhaps no greater demonstration of this than the close election that took place in 2000 in which a publicly Orthodox Jew was nearly elected to the second highest office in United States of America!

The question that needs to be addressed is what message should we be communicating to our children? Should our message be impacted as a result of our modern predicament? Are we communicating a overly strong sense of fear and similarly an assumption that the average non-Jew has an intrinsic hatred of us? Was the reaction of our basketball team an indication that we may need to refocus our message and attitudes regarding Non-Jews in the modern world?

Like many similar questions there is no clear answer but the conversation itself may lead us closer to the proper approach.

Sparks of Greatness

We are now in the post-Pesach final stretch. By this point in the year, relationships are built, classroom rules are well-greased and the students should be in a prime position to learn. I enjoy this time of year very much.

A mechanech in a Modern Orthodox Yeshiva High School just told me a story about one of his talmidim. This high school talmid walked into class after Pesach like every other student. While some students talked about trips to out-of-town family and stays in fancy hotels, this student simply stated that he was home with his family.

Later the true story came out.

This teenage child found out right before Pesach that his mother was quite ill and had to go away for treatments leaving him alone with his father, special needs brother and other younger siblings. This family is new to Orthodox Judaism and was not sure how to approach Yom Tov. Who would clean the house? Who would cook for the sedarim, ect…? Although his mother was going to be released from the hospital in time to be home for Pesach, she would be in no condition to help with preparation. His father was busy at work and was also not able to make adjustments to be home. Perhaps they would “skip” Pesach and make do with minimum cleaning and a takeout seder. This young man wanted Pesach to be Pesach and took the preparations upon himself. He cleaned the entire house and cooked for the family. Although these jobs are usually shouldered by a team of adults, children and, often times, paid help, this young man did it all himself because he wanted his family to experience Pesach. When I heard this story I was touch in heart and mind.

In my heart I ask what does this say about this very young person’s commitment to mitzvos? Many children would follow the circumstances and rely on the adults to make

Pesach, but this young man was willing to take on such a difficult task in order to have Yom Tov. How impressed I am by these quiet acts of greatness, most of which we never know about. How lucky is this boy’s Rebbe who can build on this solid foundation of commitment to Torah!

My mind finds it amazing to think that he sits in his class with everyone else. As a teacher we would never know what is going on at home. All the while he had a sickly mother, stressed-out father, special needs sibling and Pesach coming quick, but he came to school, took tests and interacted with friends. What else could be going on? What other students are overcoming challenges, scared or worried about family?

This story is just one of many similar ones which take place on a regular basis in any school. If we look with a careful eye we can see these sparks of greatness.

Don’t walk in front of me…I may not follow

Recently, Rabbi Yisrael Reissman visited our community. During a speech, he quoted a Chazal regarding Mordechai to demonstrate the reality of leadership. The Chazal stated “Mordechai was accepted by most of his brothers”. By definition, Mordechai taking the position of leader made him only acceptable to most of the people. It would be impossible to be embraced by all.

It is well known what the Bais Halievi is reported to have said regarding a shul Rav- any Rav who the people don't want to throw out is not successful, but any Rav who they actually throw out is not a mentsch. I have often wondered what it is about leadership that causes such friction. Why must a leader accept this fate?

Here is where my thinking has brought me:

Any person who is in a position of making substantive decisions that affect many people, is going to cause friction. Leaders must weigh a number of complex factors that do not have clear black and white answers. When we make these decisions for ourselves we can accept the outcome because we have chartered our own course. But when someone else makes the choice for us, it is often difficult to focus on the entire equation and much easier to see the negative side.

The challenge of accepting another person’s leadership is difficult in any aspect of life, whether the environment is one of a family, workplace, or community system. There seem to be some specific factors that exist in an educational environment that can be particularly challenging. This is due to unique aspects that come into play for teachers in a school situation. These factors may include:

1. Educational decisions are often ambiguous. The best way for a teacher to deal with academic or behavior challenges is never clear. Often the impact of these decisions cannot be seen for years. Decisions regarding dress codes, suspensions, curriculum, expulsions and class changes are never simple and they always involve many people, values and implications.
2. Teachers are accustomed to a significant amount of autonomy. Every teacher’s classroom is his kingdom. Teachers get used to the control that comes with that environment. It is especially hard to embrace directives that encroach on that autonomy.
3. The roles of teachers are integrated into daily life. Many teachers have their own children in the classroom or a neighbor’s classroom, and the directives of the leader impact them quite personally. In some communities the teachers also feel that they reflect the school and serve as community ambassadors. The complex roles can make school policies more difficult to defend and support.

Like many challenges in life, the first step in dealing with them is to recognize that the issue exists. When the parties appreciate the inherit difficulty in accepting leadership directives they can begin to avoid quick and emotional negativity that corrodes any environment.

Here are some thoughts that may help mitigate the negativity:

1. Leaders are paid to lead and take the responsibility for their leadership. As a teacher you are not responsible for the outcomes of poor decision making. There is no need to take ownership of every decision made. A person will feel much more comfortable by letting go of this burden which is not his.
2. No leader is perfect. We do not have to look further than Moshe Rabbienu to see a leader who had faults and whose constituency questioned his authority. This is par for the course of leaders and the led. If teachers expect leaders to be super human and flawless then disappointment will be quick in coming.
3. Keep in mind the complexity of the issues being decided and appreciate that intelligent, well- meaning and competent people can easily see the other sides of the issue.
4. One final thing to consider is the very real possibility that you are not privy to all of the information involved in the decision. Often there can be additional sensitive information that only the leader is fully aware of. The knowledge of this information can explain much but for any number of reasons it may be never known to you.

Wise leaders will attempt to create responsive environment in which teachers feel that they have partners in many decisions. To the extent that this doesn’t exist, being a positive and supportive person is a better life policy than a critical one. Chazal have already emphasized this is the directive of being an “Aiyen Tov”. People with “good eyes” are able to discern the complexity of many issues and are able to avoid the pit of negativity and criticism that erodes work environments, relationships, and a schools' abilities to effectively teach torah.

Summer Sabbatical

We are well passed the half-way mark of the school year and day dreams of summer time have begun. There are some who advocate for a full year of school. At the past Torah Umesorah Convention’s “Ask the Gadol” session on Thursday night, a question was raised regarding our current summer break. It seemed to be unanimous amongst the Gedolim that our school year should be lengthened with breaks interspersed throughout the school year. Different cultures have different systems regarding the school year and I have not done any extensive research about this topic. Some Gedolim feel the break is unnecessary and students can produce more with more time in Yeshiva.

Regardless of the ideal school year size, current teachers are faced with a two month opportunity each year. There was a custom years ago for teachers to take a sabbatical after 7 years of teaching. The concept is that teaching is a very taxing and emotionally draining profession. Taking a year off allows the teacher to re-energize and explore an area of interest, so he can return to the profession with vigor, energy and emotional resolve. For a number of reasons, this custom is no longer practiced. However, the summer still provides teachers (and students) with a small taste of a sabbatical where similar rejuvenation can take place.

Unfortunately, most Rebbeim need to monetize these months by taking jobs in camps or other educational environments. This reality can impede the therapeutic nature of this time. I have been fortunate enough to have found summer opportunities that provide both emotional and financial substance.

For aspiring teachers, pulpit rabbis and community kollel members, these summers are invaluable. The summer provides the opportunity to try out the waters in various positions before making the serious commitment of a full time job. When I started out, I was unsure which aspect of “kli kodesh” I was meant for. I had the good fortune of tasting community kollel life by participating on a seed-type summer experience with Rabbi David Forman in Palo Alto California. I was also able to try out being a pulpit Rabbi in Sharon, Massachusetts and an elementary school rebbe at TA camp in Baltimore. These summers gave me real life experience in different areas, so when opportunities have come up, I have had a better idea of what kind of job I would appreciate.

I still look to summer for enrichment and growth. Summertime is a gift. With planning and Hashem’s help, one can find the time to make it a small sabbatical. Refreshing, rewarding and rejuvenating.

Purim Quandary

I am in a real quandary as to what to do this Purim regarding drinking.

On one hand I think back to my years in Yeshiva and can picture Rebbiem singing and sharing ever flowing divrie Torah and love for Talmidim. It is truly a remarkable Kiddush Hashem every time I think of it and can appreciate this beautiful expression of simcha in which alcohol played a critical role. Don’t I want to expose my children and Talmidim to this and follow the Mesorah that I have seen in my Rebbiem? A major theme of Purim is to take this physical aspect of the miracle and be makdish it with our actions.

On the other hand.

Drinking seems to be an issue plaguing our youth. We are all aware of horror stories that involve teenage bachurim abusing alcohol. In previous years, and even recently, Gedolie Yisrael have stating that getting drink is not in the ruach Hatorah if not an Aveyra. Can a responsible community leader dismiss these words? What message will I be giving about our Gedolim if I were to be visibly drunk for my children and Talmidim? The very same Gadolim whose pictures hang on our wall and whose words I continually quote after every Torah Umesorah convention. Also do I want to play even the smallest role in encouraging teenage drinking?